Gopi Warrier is taking my pulse. We are speeding along in the back of a car, Regent's Park is blurring past, brilliant in the February sunshine. Do I like hot or cold weather, he asks. How do I feel if I have missed my lunch? Or if I'm too hot? What sort of illnesses do I suffer? Am I close to my family? Warrier, chairman of the Ayurvedic Company in Great Britain, is trying to assess my dosha, in a casual, lunchtime sort of a way. He concludes I am vata-kapha.
It's nice to know one has a dosha: they are, after all, this season's must-have accessory. The sort of clutch-bag of the medical world. Madonna, Demi Moore and Gemma Kidd have all been flaunting theirs. The doe-eyed supermodel Christy Turlington has even launched Sundari, a beauty range based on Ayurveda.
Warrier looks appalled by the sudden Ayurveda hysteria. He would rather it were not treated as the latest item on the cosmetic counter to be listed in the stockists pages of Vogue and Cosmo, alongside anti-cellulite creams and bio-thermal wraps. He raises his head a little defiantly. "Ayurveda should be sacred and noble, not practised by beauty therapists on the high street," he says.
Ayurveda, indeed, has a sacred and noble history. Part of the Vedas, the divine texts of Hinduism, it dates back 3,500 to 4,000 years, and is deemed to be the world's oldest complete medical system. Ayurveda's literal translation is "the science of life", and its aim is not only to treat ailments symptomatically but to prevent illness and sustain life. Its roots are intertwined with those of yoga and meditation, and both play a fundamental role in ayurvedic treatment.
The essential belief of Ayurveda is that the entire universe, from stag beetles to tea roses, is made up of five elements: air, fire, water, earth and ether - collectively termed panchamahabhutas - and the three doshas: vata, pitta and kapha. The theory is that we can achieve perfect health by balancing the three within ourselves.
The three doshas are, apparently, like ingredients or humours, although Warrier says that the ayurvedic notion of humours pre-dates that of the Greeks. Doshas dictate everything about us, from the colour of our hair to the type of illnesses we suffer. They are even responsible for the foods we crave, our relationships and the things we like to do. We all contain elements of vata, pitta and kapha, but generally we have one - or sometimes two - dominant doshas.
Roughly speaking, vata corresponds to air, pitta is fire and kapha is water. Vata's physiological role is said to be related to the body's energy and nervous system; pitta governs digestion and metabolism; kapha oversees phlegm, moisture and lymphatics. Exacerbation of a particular dosha, through eating the wrong foods or living the wrong physical or emotional lifestyle, will lead to illness.
Taking the pulse is the key to determining your dosha. The physician will examine the radial artery pulse, found at the root of the thumb, and, if healthy, it will seem strong and regular. Ayurvedic practitioners compare the unhealthy pulse to the movements of particular creatures. A vata pulse resembles the path of a snake, swift and thread-like; the pitta pulse is frog-like and erratic; the kapha pulse is at a deeper, swan-like pace.
In July, the first ayurvedic hospital outside India opened in Stamford Brook, west London. Since then, Warrier says, it has received more than 100,000 inquiries, and has treated more than 500 people. Admission generally requires a letter from a GP, but Warrier says that it is increasingly treating people who have found the hospital of their own accord. He estimates that treatments cost between £500 and £1,000 a day, not counting additional costs such as food and board. Perhaps the most surprising thing about the Ayurvedic hospital, therefore, is that it operates as a charity, providing treatment free of charge.
At present there are 30 beds in the hospital, with seven ayurvedic physicians, three western GPs and six therapists in attendance. It offers treatments such as shirodhara (herbal oil dripped on to the head), vasti (enema using medicated oils) and abhangya (herbal body massage) for all manner of complaints including skin diseases, rheumatoid arthritis, and depression. A typical ayurvedic assessment would include an initial diagnosis. Subsequent treatment might include herbal medicines, massage, steam bath or even detox by panchakarma.
Warrier believes that ayurvedic products should only be available from established manufacturers, and lambasts western herbal companies that sell products he says that have no clinical or toxicological proof of effectiveness. "If champagne can only come from the Champagne region of France, then ayurvedic medicines should only come from the parts of the world which have traditionally practised Ayurveda. Ayurvedic practitioners should be properly trained, otherwise it is the theft of an intellectual property and exploitation of a developing country."
This is Warrier's other bugbear. In India, ayurvedic doctors must obtain a university degree to qualify. "In the west you get a lot of charlatans," he says. "People who go to India for a massage and come back claiming to be ayurvedic therapists." To this end, a three-year BA in ayurvedic studies has been launched at Thames Valley University. The course includes the fundamentals of anatomy, physiology, botany and the pharmacopoeia of Ayurveda, and practical training in detoxification, yoga and meditation.
There are those who think it is all rubbish. A report last November by the House of Lords select committee on science and technology concluded that alternative and complementary therapies had little evidence to support their beneficial claims. Indeed, the report attacked Ayurveda and Chinese medicines. "They didn't even have the decency to talk to us," Warrier says, wielding his own clinical evidence. He believes it is the bogus practitioners who have earned Ayurveda a dubious reputation, and claims that all herbal medicines used at the hospital conform to government regulations.
Warrier stuffs my hands full of samples of ayurvedic medicines and oils, so that all the way home my handbag rattles with capsules, hair oil, burn cream and massage oil. It is a day or two before I use them. They sit on my desk in glass bottles labelled "Sri" and tubs saying "Kof-N-Kold". It is hard to describe how the shampoo smells; sort of like the taste of chewed grass - but it leaves my hair soft. The massage oil needs to be warmed before use, but it is more than worth all the messing about in the kitchen. And the Kof-N-Kold tablets have guarded me in a week in which all of my flatmates have succumbed to the sneezes.
Which body type are you? Identify your dosha
Vata
Elements: air and space
Vata people are restless with twitchy, active minds. They tend to be slightly built, a little pigeon-chested, and have dull, dark hair and eyes. Their skin is dry and rough, sometimes chapped. Vatas are indecisive, erratic and emotionally insecure. They are easily anxious, talk quickly and have poor memories. Vata types suffer from stiff joints, rheumatic problems and constipation. They also have a tendency towards insomnia and depression. They make good artists and enjoy travelling, plays, stories and dancing. Their dreams are shifting and nightmarish. Vatas are solitary and rebellious. Fond of sweet foods, they should try to eat regularly, using spices such as cumin, fennel and ginger and steering clear of cold foods and coffee.
Kapha
Elements: water and earth
Kapha types are big-boned, often overweight, with a pale, smooth complexion. Their hair is lustrous and wavy and their eyes wide and attractive. A kapha needs a lot of sleep, has a rational mentality and speaks and moves slowly. These are calm, loyal people who enjoy sailing, business matters and flowers. Emotionally they are very secure, and experience romantic, sentimental dreams. Kaphas can suffer from sinus problems, excessive mucus, lethargy and nausea. Kapha people should avoid oily, unctuous foods, dairy products, sugar and meat. Hot spices such as cayenne and cinnamon will help improve the metabolism. Basil will stimulate the mind.
Pitta
Elements: fire and water
Pitta people are of average build and have a ruddy complexion or red hair, with moles, freckles or acne. They tend to go grey or bald early in life, and often have green or very piercing eyes. They are intense, argumentative and precise, with a critical, sharp intelligence. They make good leaders. At their worst they can be irritable and passionately angry. Pitta types enjoy sports, hunting and politics, and have colourful, vivid dreams. They should avoid foods such as chillies, sesame oil, pepper and alcohol, which are too sour, pungent or salty. Fennel and mint will soothe pittas.
• The Ayurvedic Charitable Hospital: 020-7224 6070; Ayurvedic Company of Great Britain: 020-7370 2255. Ayurvedic Medical Association: 020-8682 3876; The Complete Illustrated Guide to Ayurveda by Gopi Warrier and Deepika Gunawant MD, (Element) £18.99.
