Stobo, an imposing Gothic pile set in stunning countryside about 25 miles from Edinburgh, offers countless treatments and activities designed to help you shed you cares. The first thing you'll need to shed, however, is your clothes.
As soon as you cross the threshold of the turreted greystone mansion, smiling staff suggest firmly that you will feel more comfortable in one of the fluffy white robes provided. If (like me) you're not accustomed to being virtually naked in the presence of strangers this can be unnerving and a number of recent arrivals - mainly men - stalk the corridors defiantly in jeans and leather jackets.
A manor has existed at Stobo for at least 1,500 years. The present building, completed in 1811, was last inhabited in the mid-1960s and has been refurbished in opulent country house style. The bedrooms, most of them on the first floor, are accessed via a magnificent double staircase and look out over extensive grounds the main feature of which is a rabbit colony of Watership Down proportions.
The hub of the spa is a large atrium with a glass ceiling and under-floor heating (handy for those padding barefoot and insouciant from massage to sauna to manicure). Here guests curl up on cane sofas, chatting, flicking through a stack of well-thumbed magazines or snoozing.
No sooner have you adjusted to the idea of wandering around in a dressing gown than you are obliged to remove that too. After a brief health check and blood pressure count, it is time to begin the real self-indulgence.
Stobo, which opened as a spa in 1978, offers 70 facial and body treatments ranging from massage and aromatherapy to the more esoteric "Austrian moor peat bath", "Dead Sea inch wrap (ladies only)", and "Thalgomince". By and large these consist of being massaged, moisturised, slathered in algae, wrapped in clingfilm and left to cook, and their aim is to improve the skin, stimulate circulation or weight loss, and induce a feeling of wellbeing.
Every half hour a platoon of trained therapists in pristine nurse-like uniforms descend on the atrium and summon guests to the treatment rooms. As I trailed behind my allocated therapist to a pastel pink room for a full body exfoliation, I couldn't have felt less relaxed or more self-conscious.
But the therapists are charming and professional, hovering politely outside while guests undress and cover themselves with towels. The exfoliation - akin to being gently scrubbed with wet sand - was pleasant and carried out by discreetly uncovering one limb at a time. You'd almost forget you were naked but for a pair of high-fashion, high-waisted paper pants (yes, really). And it's worth bearing in mind that while you may fret about your bodily imperfections, the therapist has almost certainly seen spottier and flabbier things in her time.
After half an hour of this, I was starting to feel somewhat chilled and strolled to the sauna in my dressing gown with barely a twinge of embarrassment.
In between treatments, guests have unlimited access to a small swimming pool, Jacuzzi and a newly installed sanarium - a cross between a sauna and a steam room, complete with fluorescent green lighting and piped tropical birdsong. Everywhere you look there are piles of impossibly soft white towels and an array of shower gels and moisturisers. The atmosphere is of opulence, self-indulgence and luxury, all of which induces irresistible somnolence as well as deep-cleansed pores.
The self-indulgence stops at mealtimes. Stobo prides itself on a low-fat, healthy menu, incorporating local fish, meat and game. Vegetables come boiled or steamed (no chips), portions are moderate and don't expect chocolate dessert. Wine is served but not beer or spirits. For breakfast, think poached eggs rather than fried.
Disconcertingly for non-dieters, the dinner menu lists the calorific content of each dish. Starving after an afternoon sweating in the sanarium, I picked the dishes with the highest numbers (carrot soup at 80 calories and duck breast at 320). Both were tasty but I was still hungry afterwards. In fact I was ravenous throughout my stay at Stobo and found myself raiding the complimentary fruitbowl four or five times a day.
For those seeking physical exertion there are indoor activity classes, including yoga and line dancing, in a high-ceilinged Georgian room which must once have been the laird's parlour. A small gym is about to be enlarged and modernised, and there are aqua aerobics classes in the pool. There is also a tennis court, fly fishing for trout in the nearby lake, and horse-riding, golf and clay pigeon shooting just a short drive away.
All the therapists and about 90% of the guests at Stobo are women. The few male visitors come mainly with their girlfriends and mainly mid-week (perhaps they spend the weekends with their wives). They opt predominantly for the gym and the outdoor activities rather than the body pampering.
The castle is sumptuous and the rooms comfortable (shame about the very British single beds), but what lifts Stobo above the competition is its superb setting. There are guided walks through the grounds every day, taking in a beautiful Japanese garden with cascading fountains and lush vegetation, or alternatively, take one of the mountain bikes provided and explore further afield. Against a backdrop of purple heather-clad hills you can ride for miles through spectacular rolling Borders countryside. There are endless pine forests, grass greener than any in England and sheep everywhere (Scotland has 10m sheep, or two for every head of population, and the region escaped the worst of this year's foot and mouth outbreak). The air is sharp enough to cut. And there's a perverse pleasure to be had from mingling with the scrubbed and shiny faced bathrobe brigade when you return to the atrium caked in mud after your ride.
Cheap it ain't. A two-night "health and beauty plan" at Stobo - with two body massages, a facial and a manicure - costs around £500. Cheaper packages are sometimes available at £99 per person per night, including a back massage, for two sharing a twin room. All prices include accommodation, three meals a day (but not wine) and unlimited exercise classes and use of the pool, gym and sauna. Extra health and beauty treatments range from £9.50 for eyebrow shaping to £150 for a course of three "Ionothermie super detox treatments (ladies only)".
Through a combination of exercise, fresh air, concerted self-pampering and relentlessly healthy eating, I left Stobo more relaxed than I can remember feeling before or since. But desperate for a bag of crisps and a Kit-Kat.
· Sheila Pulham visited Stobo Castle as a guest of Visit Scotland. Stobo Castle, Stobo, Peeblesshire, Scotland EH45 8NY. Telephone 01721 760249 (reservations 01721 760 600), fax 01721 760294 or email reservations@stobocastle.co.uk.
