This is a cautionary tale. I too was sceptical when told tales of pregnancy woe. I uttered sympathetic platitudes and told my husband it was all psychological - no one could be that ill for an entire nine months. Ah, the irony . . .
Everyone told me I would stop feeling terrible at 12 weeks. But as that deadline approached, my symptoms - in particular, the throwing up and horrendous stomach pains - appeared to be getting worse. "Hang on until 14 weeks," I was then advised, before being promised I would definitely feel better by week 16. Lies, all lies.
My pregnancy has not been fun, and as I approach 33 weeks I'm still feeling worse than I've ever felt in my life. Don't get me wrong: I am very excited about having a baby. And I do realise how lucky I am to be able to have one. I love it when the baby wriggles around, when it kicks, even when it decides to play games on my bladder. But that's it. Everything else is not quite so charming.
When I told the doctor that I was finding it difficult to drink anything at all without throwing up, I was told to drink anyway. It was unlikely that I would bring it all back up again and at least the baby - now the priority - would get something.
"I feel awful," I moaned to the gynaecologist, who told me I had a urinary infection and needed to drink more (hadn't she heard me say that was almost impossible?). She might as well not have heard. "The baby's heartbeat's fine," she replied.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Call me naive, but I thought being pregnant might involve a couple of months (maximum) of throwing up, followed by general good health and excitement. I used to look at pregnant women eating packets of crisps and bars of chocolate and think: "I will never do that." Now I know life isn't that simple. I eat whatever I can and if that means no vegetables, no fish - nothing that tastes at all interesting - then so be it. At least cheesy Wotsits, my new staple, have calcium in them.
I'm actually rather embarrassed. People are always asking how I am and it seems ungrateful to keep responding "the same". I'm also unsure how to reply when told I'm "looking better". Are people saying that for my benefit, or theirs?
My fellow females are the worst, and I sense that they don't quite believe what I'm experiencing. Even my friends sound surprised that I am still feeling ill and not going out, and I'm sure other mothers think I must be exaggerating. Meanwhile, those women who haven't yet given birth just don't want to believe that you can feel ill all the time. Trust me: it's possible.
I know I'm fortunate not to have hyperemesis gravidarum, which happens when you can't keep any liquids down at all and usually involves hospital admission and being given fluids through a drip.
"It is very unusual to get hyperemesis gravidarum," says Dr Gabrielle Downey, a gynaecologist at the City Hospital in Birmingham. "I'd say that out of the 3,000 women we see a year, there are about 300 who have a form of hyperemesis at some point, but only one who has it all the way through." But Downey does admit that I am atypical.
"Only about 10-15 patients a year feel ill all the way through their pregnancy," she says. "And often that happens for a specific reason, such as recurrent urinary infection, a hiatus hernia or gall bladder problems."
However, Downey suggests that my problem is more likely to be a "very sensitive emetic centre". This is the part of the brain which tells you that you feel sick and it's kept very busy at the beginning of pregnancy. "But nearly everyone stops feeling the effects of it after about 14 weeks," she says. Usually.
It's easy for those who have given birth to do the old "wait and see what it's like when the baby's here" routine. Yes, I know I'll be exhausted. But I hope I won't feel ill all the time. My mum keeps telling me I'm not ill, just pregnant, but it feels like an illness to me. In fact, I've got to the point where I will hit anyone who a) tells me I'm lucky not to be an elephant, b) suggests trying ginger (it doesn't work), or c) suggests eating little and often (I do. It helps - a bit).
There's a great variation when it comes to "normal" in pregnancy. I just want people to know that those of us who are unlucky enough to feel terrible for the entire duration aren't pretending. The good news is that it shouldn't last.
"It normally stops within 48 hours of the baby being born," says Downey. "Your hormone levels will go down and hopefully you'll feel OK."
I can't wait to meet the cause of all this. Meanwhile, I am off to throw up and then have a lie down.
