It all started 70 years ago when a couple of seedy, middle-class drunks in Akron, Ohio got together to talk about their drinking. What they worked out was that when it came to alcohol, alcoholics know best. Screw doctors, hospitals, sanatoria, ministers, do-gooders. The "12 steps" have since marched across history.
Alcoholics Anonymous and its offshoots are now the biggest self-help organisation in the world. More than 100 12-step groups are listed at www.onlinerecovery.org, from Abortion Survivors Anonymous and Addicted Jews in Recovery Anonymous through Fear of Success Anonymous to Survivors of a Loved One's Suicide Anonymous. All human life, in all its multifarious suffering, is there stacked up behind the "Anonymous" suffix (how about "Columnists Who Can't Come Up with an Idea this Week Anonymous"?).
The way the groups operate is paradoxical - "crazy" is the preferred word. You have the shield of being unknown and the comfort of "fellowship". It's a potent and therapeutic combination. And, as they like to shout out at the end of every meeting, "It works!"
Alcoholism and other forms of substance abuse remain the bedrock of the 12-step movement. But the fastest growth sector, particularly in metropolitan America, has been Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), and its linked fellowships, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).
The reasons are obvious enough. Modern society is under a barrage of sexual stimulation, unparalleled in recorded history (perhaps Sodom and Gomorrah had more - but we'll never know). Sexual liberation, which took off in the 60s, has produced acute confusion. Whatever else, those Scarlet Letters were unequivocally clear: adultery, fornication, prostitution, sodomy were "bad". Now, who can say?
Teen-sex at one end of the lifespan and Viagra at the other has meant decades more carnality. Cybersex has created a whole new population of internet addicts. Do you qualify? Take Dr Carnes's 34-question test to find out. For example: 10. I have masturbated while on the internet; or 14. I have stayed up after midnight to access sexual material online. You'll find the whole questionnaire on www.sexhelp.com if, that is, you can make time from accessing www.sexaftermidnight.com.
Hanging over the great contemporary orgy is a greater nervousness about "casual" sex than at any time since Columbus brought syphilis back from the new world. You can recover from whisky, from heroin, from "fear of success", even from the suicide of a loved one. But not from HIV. Nor from the public disgrace when the police kick in your front door and find a few thousand kiddy-porn pix on your hard disk.
The sex addiction groups have one big difference from their parent organisations. AA mandates "sobriety". Abstinence is easy enough where booze, dope or gambling are concerned. Don't do it: period. But what is sexual sobriety? No sex? Missionary position only? Safe sex? It's easy enough to identify problem drinking. But what is problem sex?
The solution which SAA has come up with is pragmatic. Essentially, if you're worried about what you're doing, you're in. And, once you're in, you work out for yourself what "sexual sobriety" is for you. It works.
At any SAA meeting you will encounter an amazing diversity of "addictions". No two are the same. There are those who agonise about jerking off three times a day. Those who agonise about needing sex on the first date. Those who can't work out which way they want to swing. Parents who can't keep their hands off their children. Rapists on probation sit alongside mild-mannered guys racked with guilt because of "eye cruising" and "fantasising" naughty things.
Ideally, you customise a solution for your own problem. It might mean a decision to hold off sex until the third date, spending no more than $50 a week on porn, cutting back on masturbation. Not doing sex with cocaine. Never having sex with strangers, or only having sex with strangers. Loading up on beta-blockers from your shrink and enrolling for Impotents Anonymous (unsurprisingly, the group that most jealously guards its anonymity).
It's impossible to measure the good that 12-step groups do. Anonymity makes statistics impossible. But in a society where sexual education is delegated to the tabloid newspapers, SAA - with its goal of individually defined responsibility - has an invaluable function. As the American example shows, it can save careers and even lives. Angus, I've got some news for you. Too late, I fear.
