Though I do it religiously three times a day, I would hesitate to call my shuffle around the park with the dog exercise. She gets exercise; I just get cold. Still, if I have to be out there anyway, it makes sense to kill two birds with one stone.
"Petsercise" is a man-and-beast fitness programme designed by the Pet Health Council and spelled out in a 17-page pamphlet called Get Fit with Fido. The programme strikes me as being fairly dogcentric; it says that if we're going to exercise for more than 30 minutes I need to bring a bowl and some water. I have no intention of doing either. Armed with a printout of the pamphlet, we head for a patch of green where we are not known. Cleaning up after the dog at the park entrance requires the untimely sacrifice of pages 1 to 5. I skip ahead to jogging.
Jogging with your dog is a pretty straightforward petsercise - one I could probably have come up with myself - but my dog has never seen me run before, and she is alarmed by it. She dashes back and forth across my path barking, unsure what to do. Then she decides that if I'm running, I must be quarry, and she makes a concerted effort to bring me down. People with normal dogs are staring.
I stop and flip through the pamphlet. It suggests I construct an obstacle course so that we can do "circuit/agility training" together, but I have neglected to bring any PVC tubing to make hurdles. All I brought was a ball on a string and a Frisbee.
The pamphlet says, "Your dog will chase the Frisbee and bring it back to you," but this is not my experience. She chases the Frisbee and runs away with it. I'm supposed to do forward lunges until she returns. I do them until it becomes clear she isn't coming back. So I throw the ball. She chases the ball with the Frisbee in her mouth, then stands guard over both and emits a low, aggressive growl whenever I get too near either. We end up in an unseemly tug of war over the ball. Then a labrador runs up and makes off with our Frisbee. I'm getting exercised all right. I decide it's time to go home and pour myself a nice bowl of water.
Next week: Lucy Mangan tries kickboxing.
