It's not all slog in the quest to restore the postpartum body. This week had a treat in store - a Mama Mio fourth trimester massage. At the height of my morning sickness, Mama Mio's was the only fragrance that didn't make me retch, and I credit its oils with fending off stretchmarks.
Over the past months of exhaustion my skin has taken a real battering. It has never been so dehydrated, not even when I was 14 and came back from Spain with third-degree burns after having smothered myself in baby oil for a fortnight. So I was extremely excited about the prospect of a whole hour's worth of rehydrating and sleep time. However, offloading a six-month-old on her auntie takes military planning skills. I had left all the pureeing till 10 minutes before leaving and then, halfway there, I realised that I had left Max, the musical dog, in the hall and had to return home. A good thing because I had also forgotten the nappies, creams and bouncy chair.
Two hours later, with carrot in my hair, a hideous pair of knickers on and shedding skin like a snake, I slid on to the warmed water massage table at the west London salon. "There's no way I'm going to be able to relax," I warned Kylie, explaining that I had a chronic lower-back ache and shoulders so tense they were up to my ears.
Ten minutes later I was snoring face down as those wonderful creams were massaged into my skin. I started to feel human again. "What bliss," I mused. "This is all about me, me, me." It was just like the old days.
