I'm a 52-year-old woman, and my full-time job is to care for my mother, 76, who for the past 10 years has been getting more frail and forgetful. Now she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am finding it hard to cope, as I live on my own with her, and other family members live a couple of hours away. I have no money, no life, and I am fearful of leaving my mother for even a few minutes, as there have been a couple of incidents when she has 'escaped' out the back door and I've had to go out searching for her. I'm not sleeping well and I'm always anxious. I think she needs to go to a home, but I have no funds for this and feel guilty about abandoning her. Is there anywhere I can turn for some advice?

The services expert
Jill Malcolmson

There are almost 6m unpaid carers in the UK, yet it's easy to feel alone. But be assured that there is help out there for you and your mother. Organisations such as the Alzheimer's Society, Age Concern, Crossroads, and Counsel and Care offer support and advice. They may hold activities that your mother could attend. To ensure that you and your mother receive the proper benefits, such as carer's allowance or attendance allowance, contact a Citizens Advice Bureau or the Benefits Enquiry Line (0800 88 22 00). You may also be entitled to help if you decide your mother needs to be in a care home - the Alzheimer's Society and Age Concern can advise on this. For your own emotional health, it's important to have time for yourself. Maybe a friend can look after your mum for a few hours. Or perhaps your family can invite your mother to visit, or take your place for a while so you can recharge your batteries. If you're happier, your mother will be, too.

· Jill Malcolmson is a dementia services advisor

The daughter
Nicky Henderson

My mother came to live with us six years ago and it quickly became obvious that there was a problem. Like yours, my mother started wandering off - once a friend spotted her on the grassy verge in the middle of a dangerous ring road. I felt like I was sinking, as I had my five children to look after, too. I ended up seeing a counsellor, a route I'd recommend. My advice is to be gentle with yourself, and consider putting your mum into a day centre occasionally. Also, try to get out and about - short walks or trips to the shops will help you feel less isolated. My mother finally moved to a home four years ago. I wept, but I honestly believe it was the loving thing to do, because she now has the care she needs. She's physically safe, the staff love her, she has company, eats well, and of course I see her regularly. She doesn't talk much any more, but when she sees me she beams and puts her arms around me. That says it all.

· Nicky Henderson, 44, was a full-time carer to her mother, who has Alzheimer's disease, for two years

The charity director
Clive Evers

When you are caring for someone with Alzheimer's, it's all too easy to ignore your own needs. You sound as if you are exhausted and isolated, and need to talk to someone. If your family is not close by, then talk to a friend, or to your GP who can put you in touch with other health professionals and will also have information about support groups. People with dementia and their carers are entitled to help under the Carers and Disabled Children's Act 2000. This includes an assessment of both your and your mother's needs - if you are entitled to services, the local authority must provide them. These can range from help at home to training on how to lift someone properly. You may be entitled to cash to pay for services or a grant to cover service costs while you take a break. Caring can sometimes feel like a thankless task, but services like the Alzheimer's Society (0845 300 0336; www.alzheimers.org.uk) are here to support you.

· Clive Evers is director of information and education at the Alzheimer's Society

If you have a question for our experts, email health@observer.co.uk