Question
During my pregnancy I never once doubted that I would breastfeed my baby. There is no avoiding all the literature on the 'damage' you can do by giving formula - obesity, diabetes, behavioural problems, etc. But I am six weeks in and find breastfeeding so difficult that I'm a physical and mental mess. I have sought endless help from breastfeeding counsellors and helplines, who all give differing advice, and it only adds to my confusion. I'm missing out on quality time with my son because I'm in such a state over feeding him, and I'm in turmoil over whether to turn to formula. I feel so selfish. Is formula really that bad? Am I really in danger of damaging him for life? And if I do choose formula, is organic best?
The mother
Lynsey Conacher
I gave birth by emergency Caesarean eight weeks ago and I've bottle-fed Alice since the beginning. She was a big baby and my milk didn't come through for nearly a week. I had wanted to breastfeed - before the birth I went to breastfeeding clinics - but just as my labour didn't turn out the way I expected, neither has the breastfeeding. Try to accept it and move on. My husband and I were bottle-fed, and we're healthy and fond of our mothers! My midwife, health visitor and GP all supported my decision to bottle-feed Alice and I never felt that I failed her, because I saw that she was hungry and needed to feed. The only time I felt guilty was with other mums and some friends, as I felt I had to explain myself to them. Now I feel relieved that it's turned out this way: Alice is thriving and sleeps to 8am, my husband helps with feeds, and I go out with friends once a week. Do what feels right for you and don't get hung up on statistics and research - if you're happy and relaxed, your baby will be, too.
Lynsey Conacher works in fashion PR
The health expert
Jo Revill
Of course breast milk is the best start in life, but if it doesn't work for you then there is no point struggling on for weeks on end. I'm not clear on why you can't establish it - have the counsellors come to the house to show you how to get the baby to latch on? Or is it that you don't have enough milk when the baby starts to feed? If you've been trying for six weeks and it isn't working, then there's a danger your baby will become seriously undernourished. Don't beat yourself up about bottle-feeding: it has worked for many millions of babies. What matters is that you should enjoy this time with your baby, and not spend it endlessly worrying. Your son isn't going to feel settled if you are not settled. I wouldn't lose sleep over the organic vs non-organic formula debate either, what's important is that the baby puts on weight and gets enough calcium. Just make sure you follow the guidelines on how much your baby should be receiving for his age.
Jo Revill is the health editor of The Observer
The breastfeeding expert
Heather Neil
Many women need skilled, sensitive help to resolve physical problems and to cope with lack of confidence and with their expectations that their babies will eat and/or sleep predictably. When breastfeeding is distressing, you need face-to-face help from someone who knows about it, who won't judge you. That person may be a counsellor from volunteer organisations such as the NCT or La Leche League - they're highly trained and non-judgmental - or a healthcare professional with breastfeeding training. The right person will listen and be open to discussing all your options: continuing breastfeeding (after fixing your difficulties), using formula alongside breastfeeding, expressing milk to give in a bottle, or switching to formula (the brand is not significant). If you decide to switch, you will have made a difference to your baby's health by breastfeeding him for some time.
Heather Neil is a breastfeeding counsellor and tutor with the National Childbirth Trust (NCT breastfeeding line: 0870 444 8708)
· If you have a question for our experts, email health@observer.co.uk
