Alfred Brendel, 77, was born in Wiesenberg, northern Moravia (now the Czech Republic). He studied piano at Graz Conservatory and gave his first public recital at 17. During the 60s, he became the first person to record the entire piano works of Beethoven, and is also renowned for his interpretations of Haydn, Mozart, Schubert, Brahms and Liszt. Brendel will give his final concert in Vienna in December, after which he plans to concentrate on his literary career - he is a published poet and essayist. He is married for the second time and lives in London.

When were you happiest?

When I discovered bread and butter pudding.

What is your greatest fear?

The planet's collapse.

What is your earliest memory?

A large dog suddenly barking next to me behind a fence.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

Peter Brook for his staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

The antics of an ageing brain.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Fanaticism, unreliability, pretence.

Your most embarrassing moment?

In a dream, someone announced I'd be playing Othello (why Othello?)

Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you have ever bought?

My concert grands.

What is your most treasured possession?

Presently, Buñuel's late films on DVD.

Where would you like to live?

Next to a small but splendid Romanesque church.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

The flabby skin underneath my chin.

Would you rather be clever and ugly, or thick and attractive?

The first (I am male.)

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Fernando Rey without a beard.

What is your most unappealing habit?

Not recognising people.

What is your favourite word?

'Unbelief.'

What is your favourite book?

Stendhal's La Chartreuse De Parme.

What is your fancy dress costume of choice?

Fallen angel.

What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?

'Cerebral pianist' (Norman Lebrecht).

Cat or dog?

Cat.

Is it better to give or to receive?

Best: both at once.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Keeping smokers out of my house.

What do you owe your parents?

Their loving care. A set of excellent teeth. My need to branch out.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

I did: to my first wife when we split up.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

1) Sense. 2) Nonsense.

What does love feel like?

There are 13 different kinds of love. Or maybe 27.

What was the best kiss of your life?

Not the first. One needs to practise.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

One or two music critics. Maybe three. The reason eludes me.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

Neither Liszt nor Busoni: both smoked.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Is it funny?

What is the worst job you have ever done?

Conducting the first movement of Spohr's first violin concerto at 18.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

To paradise, meeting Eve.

How do you relax?

Looking. Reading. (Not listening: it's too intense.)

What keeps you awake at night?

Emerging poems.

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Handel's Hallelujah? No, rather one of Mauricio Kagel's Marches To Fail Victory.

How would you like to be remembered?

As the man with the third index finger.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

To mistrust grand ideas. To avoid self-delusion.

Where would you most like to be right now?

In a great performance of a Shakespeare play.

Tell us a secret.

The piano sings.