Could you help me find out about, and probably obtain, a vibrator. I am a healthy, lively widow in my late 80s. My dear husband and I were a very good partnership and I have had no sexual relations with anyone else. But I seem to have retained some measure of natural urges. I have introduced myself to masturbation, not very often, and not very expertly. I am afraid I don't "surf the net".

Good on you for seeking to enhance your life by maintaining your sexual responses. You're on the right track - there's really no such thing as "inexpert" masturbation because you are the sole arbiter of your own pleasure. Just take time to explore your whole body (not just your genitals - you have many erogenous zones) and experiment with the different sensations that can be experienced from various kinds of touches and strokes. Be as creative as you like. You could try focusing water from a shower head on to your clitoris while in the bath, or use a feather, soft glove or the back of a vibrating toothbrush (available from most chemists) for variation. Use lubricant such as K-Y, also available from the chemist.

There are many different types of vibrators, including penile-shaped ones, some that simply stimulate the clitoris, or those that do both. Most UK sex-toy sales are internet-based, but there is an Ann Summers shop near you. Order a catalogue by mail, or phone them and they can post you whatever you fancy. Or walk into the shop with your head high - you are an inspiration to us all.

· Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.