I'm living with my husband in his home country. I can't speak the language and feel very isolated. He's always looked at other women when we've been out, and when I checked our internet history recently, I found photos of women wearing sexy clothes and videos of women dancing sexually. I felt utterly devastated when I found them. When I asked him about it, he said that he's been looking at these sites because we only have sex once a week. I still love my husband but I feel as though he has betrayed me. Since moving abroad, I've felt quite depressed and haven't felt like having sex.

You are focusing on your husband's suspected infidelity and your lack of intimacy, but your real problem is more serious. I suspect you have entered a depression, brought about by the huge changes you are facing and the isolation you are experiencing. I strongly suggest you seek treatment from a qualified therapist, and do everything you can to improve the quality of your life. Do your best to learn the language and try to find friends and activities that you enjoy. Depression often lowers a person's sexual desire, and could be making you feel alienated from your husband. Stop worrying about his online activities or the way he looks at other women, but rather, see these things as proof that he is the sexy man you married. Despite being in love and fully committed, many people still also enjoy erotica, fancy others, flirt and masturbate privately. It just means they are sexually alive - although it's wise for a couple to agree which lines may not be crossed. When you are feeling less threatened, you will reap the benefit of your husband's healthy sexuality.

· Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

· Private Lives appears every Thursday. You are invited to respond to this week's main problem. If you would like fellow readers and Linda Blair to answer a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 250 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, 119 Farringdon Road, London EC1R 3ER.