My female partner is beautiful, intelligent and thoughtful; aside from our sex life, our relationship is wonderful. Although when we do have sex, it is enjoyable and satisfying, I feel under pressure as her sex drive is considerably higher than mine. I worry that my dulled desire results from my lack of control in our relationship. My reticence in the bedroom causes her immense distress and makes me feel terrible. She is my first same-sex partner.

You may be right about needing more control in your sex life, so why not take steps to achieve that? You seem to be harbouring resentment about the imbalance of power in your relationship, so tell your partner exactly how you feel.

Ask her to give you a chance to initiate sex and to take a dominant role if you wish. If you create an erotic experience that turns you on and put it into practice, you will probably find it is exciting for her too. If you have indeed become stuck in a dull routine, use your imagination to get out of it.

Prioritise your time together and make sure that tiredness and work stress do not sabotage it. There are many possible reasons for low desire, some of which are physiological (such as hormonal changes), so have a medical check-up. Psychological reasons include unexpressed anger, guilt and depression - and some lesbians and gay men struggle with internalised homophobia. The coming- out process is never easy and may be affecting your desire, so if your decreased libido persists, consult a qualified sex therapist.

· Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.