Life has not been easy for the 20 years I have been a widow. My husband was arrested in 1988 by government forces on allegations of collaborating with rebels, by then, who wanted to overthrow president Yoweri Museveni's government. He died in detention leaving me with the burden of raising the five children he had left behind.
When he died, the children had not begun school. That was the biggest burden I endured; seeing those children through their education, attending to each and every need of their lives.
Sometime after the death of my husband, I begun falling sick and went for a HIV/Aids test. I was found to be suffering from HIV. I nearly committed suicide, but gained courage and sought to follow what counsellors had advised. It was difficult being positive, as I had been asked to be.
It was in 2005 when I began antiretroviral therapy (ART) with antiretroviral drugs (ARV). In my community people living with HIV are still treated like lepers. I think it will require more time and intervention for such attitudes to fade.
In some areas, ART has made things worse. The treatment makes a person with HIV look better, the symptoms go away and the victims appear healthy. Some of the infected people on ART feel so bad and hurt that they go on the rampage to spread the virus through unprotected sex. I have been preaching to such people to abandon the wickedness. I have also used meetings of my local village savings and loans association (VSLA) to pass on messages to members. The training I got as a HIV/Aids counsellor with the Christian Children's Fund (CCF) has been helpful. I have also been recruited on to the Amref village health team (VHT) for my area. I got a bicycle from the Amref project that I now use to reach other people suffering from HIV. As a member of the VHT, I also distribute other essential drugs to people who can't access health centres easily because of the distance.
I encourage other women who are struggling with HIV to learn to be independent. Widows should do the same. Once your husband is dead there is a tendency to hurry to get another man to provide for you and you might end up contracting the virus. Widows and orphans have been more vulnerable to HIV. They have, in most cases, been denied, by relatives of the dead man, the right of ownership to property left behind.
These are the concerns that should be talked about when marking World Aids Day. To a common person like me, living with HIV, not much attention has been given. We have been able to access the ART through non-governmental Organisations, but we are asked to eat well - without a stable source of income I cannot afford that. That is why the initiative by Amref to help us develop savings and credit associations may help so much. I have been able to acquire more skills on how to survive using savings. I am calling out to the rich countries, a big part of the funds you send to our governments for HIV/Aids activities should go into improving our livelihoods.
• Mary Amuge was talking to Richard Otim
