I am a 33-year-old father of one. For most of our eight-year relationship, my wife, who is 37, has been unable to have penetrative sex because of vestibulitis. Since the birth of our first child last year, her condition has worsened and she has lost all interest in being intimate with me and seems unwilling to pursue further treatment.

Encourage your wife to persevere in seeking appropriate treatment, so she can enjoy intercourse again, and try to pleasure each other in other ways. Bear in mind she may also have lowered desire post-partum, which is very common.

I am not surprised she is giving up, because sufferers of vestibulitis, or any kind of vulva disease, can experience severe pain during intercourse, spasms, urethral irritation, constipation, incontinence or diarrhoea, and very often the entire pelvic region is affected.

Many women suffer from this condition, which requires understanding, a correct diagnosis and satisfactory treatment. But there are good remedies. Seek out further information and contact a support group: try the Vulva Pain Society (www.vulvalpainsociety.org). I would also recommend that you both read The V Zone: a Woman's Guide to Intimate Health Care by Colette Bouchez, and The V Book: a Doctor's Guide to Vulvovaginal Health by Elizabeth G Stewart and Paula Spencer.

Look for a doctor with the expertise and patience your wife needs. Have sex therapy together - you both deserve the right help.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

Have you had any experience of this condition? Share your advice in the comments section below