At 54, I am menopausal and feel like a dried-up, asexual old prune. My husband is up for sex at least three times a week and we both mourn my lusty, younger self. Is there any way of retrieving desire, short of HRT? I love my husband and sex used to be a very important part of our intimacy.

Support your sexual self by exercising more, managing your stress better and improving your body image. Far from being a prune, you are able to have more control over your sexuality than ever before.

Allow yourself to be more dominant, passive, creative, lazy or playful - whatever you want. Return to locations and situations that remind you of earlier passion, and allow more time for sex. Check that you are not suffering from depression or physical illness, or taking any medication that reduces sexual responses. Use non-petroleum-based lubricant and consider DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone) supplementation, perhaps as a vaginal cream.

I wonder why you are opposed to HRT. There have been some misleading statements about its safety, so research this for yourself (it's not only oestrogen, but progesterone, pregnenolone, testosterone and other hormones that become depleted, even prior to menopause). Speak to your GP about tailored supplementation, which may improve not only your sexual response, but the quality of your life generally. I am in favour of bio-identical hormones - check the website of Dr Uzzi Reiss, uzzireissmd.com, and read his book The Natural Superwoman.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.