If you meet Mike Molloy, ask him what he does. He'll tell you he is a risk manager for a government department. But what he won't tell you is that he's also the father of a 16-month-old daughter and the carer for his 80-year-old mother.

"It's a three-pronged attack," he says. "The job is stressful, but even harder on the days I worry about my daughter and mum. I have to be lots of things to lots of people.

"It has impacted enormously upon work. Before I was married and when mum was younger, all I focused on was my career. Now I'm missing meetings and leaving work for emergencies. Just last week, I had to go to an appraisal and didn't think about it until I was driving there. It's all about plate spinning but, when the pressure gets really bad, the plates hit the floor."

Welcome to the sandwich generation: mid-career employees "sandwiched" between supporting the demands of their children and their parents. According to support organisation Carers UK, 2.5 million people in England and Wales juggle jobs with caring and 90% are over 30.

Research by Lloyds TSB insurance has also found that there has been a 7.6% increase in the number of homes housing three generations of the same family. This figure is rising, as dependent children live at home for longer, and the population has a longer life expectancy.

Molloy is living the statistics. "My mother had a fall and I dropped everything to help. Each day I'd work, then do an 80-mile round trip to visit her, before going home to my wife and baby. The pressure was terrible.­

"That's when you discover what sort of employer you've got. Organisations talk a good game, but prolonged support soon becomes a problem. The odd day off for emergencies helps, but what then? That's when their bluff falls flat."

Flexibility in the workplace

Some employers go out of their way to create a flexible and understanding workplace environment. Earlier this week, 20 companies were commended by work-life balance charity Working Families for their family-friendly policies, in its list of Top Employers for Working Families sponsored by the Guardian (see table overleaf).

But while many employers are increasingly aware that employees are unable to sacrifice the personal for the professional, theory doesn't always withstand practice. Which employee doesn't dread requesting an early finish for a fourth day in a row? And how many employees have been granted that early finish, only to hear their manager's exasperated sigh as they grant it?

"The needs of employees are changing," warns Colin Tenwick, chief executive of StepStone which provides HR services for businesses. "In the current economic cycle people are working harder to maintain their jobs. When the economy picks up, if employers aren't supporting the sandwich generation, they'll look for alternative employers. Most of us will go through this generational phase and employers ignore that at their peril."

Sally Butterworth is going through it now. She is a designer caring for two teenage sons and a 75-year-old mother with Parkinson's disease. Her GP has warned her about serious illness if the pressure doesn't end.

She says: "Today, when I got to work, I was told that a colleague had died. Then I had people messing me about on jobs. I got a call from my son who was panicking about exams and had to console him from an open-plan office. After work, I took my other son to football and visited my mum. Dinner was a piece of toast and now my feet are up on the ironing board. Sometimes I think that if I just lie on the floor nothing else can knock me over."

Butterworth needs her fair share of help and while colleagues are supportive she believes that "the hierarchy has forgotten about me".

She says: "It's draining. I never know what I'll have to deal with next. Mum recently had five hospital appointments in four weeks and I hired help to take her to two because I couldn't leave work. But one was for scan results and I told my boss that I was going. What else could I do?"

This is why those who employ the sandwich generation need to do more than simply dole out childcare vouchers.­

Adding value

Justin Spray is a chartered psychologist and director at Mendas, an organisation of occupational psychologists who provide people development services. For him, employers should help add value to an employee's life.

Throwing more time at them isn't a solution when that time is filled with yet more caring responsibilities.

"Employers need to have difficult conversations about what employees want from their lives," he explains. "For people to be efficient and fulfilled they need to have several aspects of their life in place. If employers can help staff be fulfilled, they'll create a more efficient workforce."

Employers must also realise that when a carer is in work their mind can be elsewhere. Caring takes an emotional toll, and Butterworth admits to attending meetings when she's thought of nothing but her son's exam results.

She isn't alone. June Taylor is a full-time, shift-working police officer and winner of a Nivea inner beauty award for caring for her daughters and parents. She finds it hard to ignore or forget her caring roles while at work. "My 17-year-old daughter who has juvenile arthritis, passed out and is now in hospital. I went back to work and visit the hospital after my shift.

"You never clock off from caring, though. People tell me that I look exhausted­ but I always think I have more to give. Night shifts are best because, up until 9pm, I am there for the family and after that, they are in bed and I can just work." So the inevitable question is whether the sandwich generation is more trouble than it's worth. Surely it's easier to hire the commitment-free?

According to Steve Williams, head of equality services at employment advisory service Acas, if that's what employers think, then they're missing a trick. For him, the sandwich generation can give employers much needed security and loyalty – reasons why little effort is worth a lot of gain. "These employees have a great sense of responsibility and duty," he says. "They are unlikely to disappear for a jaunt around the world, and are there for the duration because they have people to care for. They are great employees and now, more than ever, employers need to remember that."

Some names have been changed

Top employers for working families

Earlier this week, the Working Families charity identified 20 of the best family-friendly employers, chosen for their flexibility, assistance with child and elder care, and overall support to working parents and carers. Here is a snapshot of what some of the top 20 employers offer their "sandwich generation" employees:

• Centrica set up a carers network in 2004 to encourage employees with caring responsibilities to share their experiences. It also reviewed its carers' policy to expand the definition of carer to include paid leave for carers of a close friend. The company also offers a series of career break and sabbaticals which can be used to extend a period of carer's leave.

• Hertfordshire county council (HCC) launched a work-life balance strategy in 2000. It offers carers time off to attend external support groups as well as access to CareWell, a confidential support service available to other household members and employees. HCC also runs an annual conference for employees who are carers.

• B&Q supports working parents by offering childcare vouchers, enhanced maternity and paternity payments and, where both parents are employed by B&Q, the partner is allowed to take some of the extended maternity leave too. It also offers "term-time" contracts to parents and grandparents and offers employees a job share scheme.

• Britannia Building Society offers a confidential service, Lifeworks, to help employees find care facilities for children and elderly relatives. It also runs a framework of flexible working arrangements that includes job-sharing, part-time work, flexible hours, compressed working weeks, homeworking, family leave, short-term leave and employment breaks.

• In 2008, KPGM launched a support package that includes: cover for up to 20 days emergency childcare costs where they were incurred through demands of the job; a family support website; comfort rooms for pregnant women; first aid classes for parents with young children and coaching on work-life balance issues.

• BT supports the sandwich generation with its Carer's Passport, a document that helps set out the needs of the employed carer, work-life adjustments, actions in emergencies and agreed communication between carer and BT if they are unable to work.

• The National Grid offers employees a seven-week childcare break with an allowance of £45 per child per week. It also has an advisory and support group run by parents which offers a one-stop shop for advice on work-life balance and a buddy network. It is also planning to launch a carers' network to support employees who care for someone with a permanent or temporary disability or illness.

• Others organisations included in the top employers for working families list are: Accenture, Addleshaw Goddard, American Express UK, Ford, Halcrow, Happy Ltd, Jaguar Land Rover, Lloyds TSB, Metropolitan Police Service, the Ministry of Justice, the National Health Service, Nationwide building society and Wragge & Co. For more details visit Topemployersforworkingfamilies.org.uk