Parents have been put in an unenviable and highly undesirable quandary by a new review of seven trials into the effectiveness and safety of antiviral drugs used in normal seasonal flu.

The review has shown that the main benefit of antiviral treatment is to reduce the duration of symptoms by a day. They don't reduce risk of complications or spread of disease much. Like all drugs that do anything, they can cause side effects (about 5% of kids given Tamiflu vomit, which can cause dehydration).

The authors are calling on the government to be candid about the limitations of antiviral drugs. The government says this survey is of seasonal flu, not swine flu. That it's better to be safe than sorry and offer the drugs to all affected individuals. And Roche, the drug company which makes Tamiflu, is adamant that the benefits outweigh the risks.

So say your kid wakes up tomorrow with a temperature of 38C and says she feels a bit rubbish. Apart from that, she's OK. The temperature comes down with paracetamol. She perks up as the day goes on but is a bit wan and chooses to lie around on the couch. She manages a bit of lunch. A couple of her friends have been ill recently and both were given Tamiflu. What, as a parent or carer, should you do?

I can tell you what I did, although it's only anecdotal and I may be misguided. My 17-year-old son had flu-like symptoms and a high temperature a few weeks ago. He doesn't have underlying health problems and is usually healthy. He wasn't well but as the day went on, he didn't get any worse. Just slept, drank and took paracetamol. The next day, he was a bit better. Within four days he was fine – just a bit washed out. Such is the resilience of most young people. I could have got him Tamiflu, but I didn't see the point. If he was diabetic or had a compromised immune system, I would, of course, have started him on Tamiflu immediately.

The more we use antivirals, the quicker resistant strains emerge so if a virus gets more virulent, the drugs may be less useful. And giving antivirals for everyone who tells a student manning the phones that they have a fever and symptoms as diverse as vomiting, aches and cough will inevitably lead to some wrong diagnoses. Mostly, that won't matter because the person will get better anyway, but there will be cases of meningitis and pneumonia which are missed.

It's always better to treat the person, not the disease. If your child is ill and getting iller, they need to see a doctor. If the doctor dismisses the problem but you feel your child is continuing to get sicker, you should take them back – or seek another medical opinion. If they're basically OK but obviously just fighting off a bug, you need to keep an eye and be prepared to get help if they worsen, instead of gradually improving as is usually the case. Healthy kids with healthy immune systems don't usually need antiviral treatment.

There is a public health issue here and that is the basis on which the government has been advising Tamiflu for all those with possible swine flu. This highly infectious virus has spread like wildfire. If it becomes more virulent and dangerous, the government needs to be able to say that it did everything possible to limit the spread. That includes the use of antivirals. That policy is understandable and probably commendable. But as a parent, you don't have to give your child Tamiflu. Just keep a careful eye on them and don't be put off getting face-to-face medical advice if they become seriously ill.