Are you healthy? Healthier than I look, but not as healthy as I should be. I do quite a lot of exercise, but I eat a fair amount of rubbish and drink too much.

Ever spent a night in hospital? When I was 11 I fell off my bike and chopped my willy half off. They had to sew it back on, but I was such a man I didn't stay overnight – it was the day of the cup final in 1978 and I wanted to get back and watch it.

Any notable accidents? Loads – I was always in casualty. When I was about eight, I ran off to fetch a ball in the playground and ran into the middle of a cricket match. A lad called Andrew whacked me full in the face with a cricket bat. There was blood absolutely everywhere and I had stitches in my forehead.

Do you worry about your weight? I lost 3st four years ago by cutting out bread, potatoes, rice and pasta. I didn't look it, but I was about 17st. I ran marathons at 17st, so exercise on its own doesn't help.

How do you relax? I have trouble relaxing. My brother's got a great place in the Cotswolds, and I go up there and stay with him and his wife and their kids, and I feel relaxed. (Not that I look it – I'm always pacing.)

How much do you drink? God, loads. I finish work at half seven and it's just the easiest thing to do – you're a bit knackered, you've got to go to bed soon and you can't really achieve much else. It's not a cop-out, but if you're quite famous, quite approachable, someone will always say: "I'll buy you a drink and we'll talk about football."

Attitude to drugs? I had some pot at 16, at a community centre disco. I was violently sick and I've never had any since.

Are you happy? No. Nowhere near as happy as I should be. Somebody said to me a few months ago: "Happiness is a lifestyle choice," and she was right – but I haven't been able to put that into action.

Ever taken an antidepressant? No, but I broke my leg very badly 19 years ago and they gave me a pre-med that made me feel incredibly happy. I thought: "That's a bit dangerous – my leg's smashed to bits, I've just left university and I haven't got a clue what I'm going to do with my life, there's no member of my family within 100 miles, I'm all on my own in a strange hospital, yet I feel happy as Larry."

How do you feel about cosmetic surgery? Would I consider it for myself? God no, absolutely not. Although some relatively sensible people have said: "You've got such a frown on your face – why don't you have some Botox?" I wouldn't do it in a million years.★

Adrian Chiles's DVD 2 Good 2 Bad – The World Cup is out now