Amelia Gentleman's harrowing account of Nancy's dementia as experienced by carer and writer Andrea Gillies exposes some common misconceptions about dementia (The raw horror of Alzheimer's, 2 June).

One can only sympathise with Gillies, how she moved home to help care for her mother-in-law, and how her "kind-hearted optimism has dwindled to desperation and she and her husband find they can no longer cope". But what concerns us is Gillies' assertion that dementia takes away everything, "every last thing we reassure ourselves that nothing could take away from us". Gillies talks most forcefully about a "widespread misconception that dementia is a good way to go, a kind state of absentness that blinds the sufferer to the relentless decline towards death".

Our experience as volunteers in a specialist dementia care home leads us to believe that dementia does not take away everything. Just because a person loses their memory for events, people and places, this does not mean they cannot feel positive emotions or have meaningful communication with others. It may just be that they experience these on a different level to those who are not cognitively impaired.

Gentleman writes about the impact the visits by Gillies and her family have on her mother-in-law: "Nancy's disease has progressed to a kinder stage, where her forgetfulness is soothingly comprehensive ... The family visit quarterly, to reassure themselves that she is being properly cared for, but their visits have no impact on Nancy, who accepts the flowers and chocolates, but has no recollection of ever having met them before."

We find this distressing. Interaction on the basis of the person they are remembered as may have little impact, but if families and loved ones could accept the changes they may perceive the situation differently. It is understandable that they might find this very difficult since they are going through a grieving process.

But we have found that people with dementia should not be regarded as an empty shell. Someone who appears "locked in" might still respond to touch, to music, to voices. Failure to grasp the need for this interaction might mean missing the opportunity to share something very beautiful and comforting.

We would argue that "dementia reality" is not an accurate term since every individual experiences dementia differently. It is a bold statement to claim that Nancy is no longer struggling "because she no longer has the remnants of her past to grapple with. It's all gone. All gone. All understanding of her life, all autobiography gone ... She lives in dementia reality and has no connection with the normal world."

The definition of a "normal world" is arguably imposed on people with dementia instead of supporting them in making their own reality. We should also be careful not to confuse symptoms of the illness with the effects of medication. From our understanding of the needs and capabilities of the people we visit, we believe that no matter how far advanced their dementia, no one is "all gone".