✤Women, be calm. Justin Bieber has released his own brand of nail varnish. So much more intimate than a poster or a T-shirt, debut cosmetics line from the the tween pop sensation is named, charmingly, One Less Lonely Girl. Thus far, we have only seen one of the nail shades: Step 2 The Beat Of Your Heart, which we would describe as a swoonsomely purple glittery gloop. The chemist's shop seems a whole new market for many of today's heartthrob popstars – Bieber's nail varnish, after all, arrives hot on the heels of the JLS-sponsored condoms. But where next? Usher-endorsed sanitary towels? One Direction throat lozenges? N-Dubz compression stockings?

✤It's only Monday, and already we've had two thrilling fertility stories this week. God only knows what will have happened by Saturday night. First, scientists are edging closer to testing whether a woman is predisposed to early menopause — which is great, of course, but I'm not sure why my own beloved newspaper decided to illustrate this with a picture of some women in a pub drinking wine, as if women are simply delaying motherhood to drink more rosé. Anyway, second is the launch of the DuoFertility system, a fertility monitor whose maker is so cocksure of its brilliance that it is offering you your money back if you aren't pregnant within a year (terms and conditions apply, I suspect). The system works by measuring a woman's temperature, which rises during ovulation, combining it with a number of other personal variables that might affect fertility, and coming up with a sort of fertility update that has led to the gadget being dubbed "the satnav of the fertility world". Interesting. I do hope it is available with a Brian Blessed voice.

✤Who would you like to voice your fertility satnav? And which pop pinup should launch their own range of ointments and bandages? Do let us know.