I am not posh, but I will not push. There's no way I am squeezing a baby out of there. So I am delighted to hear that, thousands of years into so-called civilisation, women are finally to be allowed to choose to have a caesarean. The opening of my womb will be like the opening of Studio 54 during the heady days of disco.

What is this myth of the "natural" birth? When, I asked the mothers I know about their birth experiences, I was appalled. Their anecdotes were of violation, objectification, aggressive handling, sneering patronage, of being belittled and ignored, sent home with a paracetamol when they could have died, told to shut up, of being pumped full of chemicals without consent and without being told what they were. They were disregarded, dismissed. They were examined repeatedly and painfully, without warning and with no possibility of refusing. Key line? "When he cut me, he cut as deep as the bone. I still have pain, three years on."

The dream natural birth of respectful attendance, experienced and capable doulas, well-managed pain, minimal intervention and calm, supportive care is lovely, but seemingly rare. I am struck by the aggression of some medical establishment figures who argue that women "should" give birth "naturally" and that we are remiss if we don't. The tone of their arguments is sometimes transparently sadistic. They suggest that women who have caesarean sections don't bond with their babies. Oh yeah? My mum had one and here I am, still living at home at the age of 33.