It's obviously a thrice-daily occurrence to receive a press release which forces the inquiry, "Is it August already?" Every now and then, however, you get one that suggests the Soviet dream of a mind-gun that could collectively incapacitate the west has finally become a reality. Behold, then, an effort from the British Association of Dermatologists, whose headline inquires: "Was Sex and the City the beginning of the end for pubic lice?"
Aside from confirming that there is simply no story on which someone does not deem it vital to slap a celebrity angle, BAD announces that its annual conference in Liverpool next week will hypothesise that the hair removal trend threatening the pubic louse with extinction can be traced back to a single Sex and the City episode.
On hand to explain is one of the authors of the research, one Dr Kun Sen Chen, who declares: "Pubic hair removal has been practised by humans for thousands of years, by cultures from all over the world, including the ancient Egyptians. However, until recently, with the rise of truly global mass media, pubic lice have been able to weather changing cultural attitudes to body hair."
Once again, Lost in Showbiz suspects it is about to find out that the evils of globalisation know no bounds.
"What we have seen at work is the law of unintended consequences," states Dr Chen, in a peroration I flatly refuse to describe as "the science bit". "In popularising hair removal, Carrie Bradshaw and co have contributed to ridding humanity of a pest that had plagued humans for millions of years. Sadly there isn't an Emmy for that." (Isn't there? I certainly wouldn't rule out the possibility of one being buried among the 837 Creative Arts categories.)
Alas, the good doctor does not state which offending SATC episode was the culprit – I imagine you have to attend the conference to attain that level of insight – but even the above revelations are more than sufficient to convince this column that something must be done.
Without delay, then, someone – ideally professional species-savers such as Trudie Styler and Sting – must announce a benefit concert called Save Crabs or Louse Aid or something, in which we are reminded that the loss of a species is always, and without exception, a tragedy. In fact, couldn't a self-styled eco-celeb such as Alicia Silverstone establish a lice-sharing service among their community, whereby those enlightened souls who realise that every species is a gift could ensure the perpetuation of one of humankind's most longstanding fellow travellers?
I realise I'm just a civilian throwing around ideas here, but can we get some action on this?
