So I go into the kitchen, Dave is slumped over his iPad, so far so normal then I notice it is not on & he is just like gazing at it in this weird way, I'm like do not worry, why not borrow Nancy's, he's like, look at this iPad, seriously, just sit down and really LOOK at it, touch it, feel the slight indentation where the charger goes, the raised lozenge of the on-off switch, the subtle resistance of its rubbery hinged cover? I'm like WTF have you taken now he's like, excuse me I am consciously observing, I'm like fine, with you, are you sure it works properly on a mass-produced electronic device, FWIW my mindfulness teacher always brings in like, amazing orchids, or last autumn we consciously observed this incredible parsnip, or it maybe it was a carrot whatever Alexa said she had never felt so inspired by a root vegetable, not even kale, right afterwards she got the idea for her eyeliner packaging?
Dave's like, well Lynton says Oik only ever does conscious observation of his loose change & actually, totes non-swank, mindfulness has already taught me that AstraZeneca is all about letting go, ditto schools, planning control & climate change? I'm like, OK, so what is your mindfulness cue, mine is handbag, every time I see one I'm in the present moment, Dave's like, actually it is Etonian, I'm like wow, awesome cue choice, he's like, except it means I'm mindful literally 24/7, tbh Lynton is right, you have to strike a balance? I go, OK, so switch to "woman"? Dave goes, right, but would one cue a day be enough to beat Govey in Oik's all-party mindfulness contest, apparently he spends the entire time emptying his mind & Tristram Hunt has hired the silent awareness coach from Goldman Sachs, soz babes but I just spotted Jo Johnson, I need to reduce brain chatter & breathe, could you give me five minutes, namastay.
Well it is kind of ironical I have been living in the present moment for literally years & now Mr Cobber is an expert? I said to Mummy srsly *hears self shout*, if I was not *breathes in* so totally awake to experience *breathes out* it would literally drive me MAD?????
