The past few months have been stressful, with several family dilemmas and emergencies. My sex drive has diminished and my erections don’t last long enough for me to penetrate. I’m also frustrated and unhappy at work. I’m 24.

Stress is one of the most common causes of certain sexual disorders, including desire problems and erectile dysfunction. Anxiety, general worry, depression and fear can also contribute to sexual difficulties, as can physical ill-health. The way you are currently perceiving yourself – as being ineffective in your work world – is probably also affecting your sexuality. In family matters, you probably feel a huge sense of responsibility, and that too can undermine sexual confidence.

The first thing to do is take steps to reduce your stress, which might involve physical exercise, meditation, yoga or guided imagery work. Plan love-making sessions to be uninterrupted private time without any agenda other than to have fun and experience/give pleasure. You do not need an erection to give your girlfriend pleasure and an orgasm, so take the “performance” pressure off yourself.

It is also worth getting a medical check-up just in case there is another factor causing your erectile difficulties, and consider asking your doctor if one of the many treatments for erectile dysfunction could be helpful to you – even just in the short-term.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).