Faking orgasms can be easier than having them. In a recent Cosmopolitan survey, 67% of women said they have faked it with a partner – either because they wanted to spare their lover’s feelings, or just to get it over and done with. Unlike lots of research, studies of faking orgasms have been consistent in their findings since the 1970s, showing rates of 53-65% – mostly for what researchers call PVI (penile-vaginal intercourse). Faking during oral sex is a distant second in the rankings. The 2,300 women in the Cosmopolitan survey (aged between 18 and 40) said their partners had orgasms 95% of the time.

However, although faking may be easier for women, research shows that it is not exclusive to them. A study in the Journal of Sex Research of 281 students from the University of Kansas found that 67% of women had pretended to have orgasms, but so had 28% of men. Men, like women, faked orgasms to prevent their partner feeling inadequate, but their main reason was that sex was taking too long; they were tired and wanted to stop. More people in this study reported difficulty in having an orgasm because their partner was unskilled (25% of women and 7% of men). Both genders acted out orgasms pretty much as you’d expect: moaning, increasing their movements and often saying something along the lines of: “That was great.”

So does it matter? Who does it hurt to fake it now and then?

The solution

The University of Kansas research did not include same-sex couples, although it happened to have a lesbian and five bisexual participants, of which only one described pretending. The lead author of the study, Charlene L Muehlenhard, says that pretending to orgasm is probably less likely in same-sex relationships because most of the “gap” in orgasms is in PVI, especially where there is not enough clitoral stimulation. Perhaps most women, says Muehlenhard, do not orgasm “reliably” from PVI, and some adapt by pretending. PVI is, she says, “a behaviour for which many people have unrealistic expectations about women’s orgasms”.

Muehlenhard acknowledges that some people in the study thought pretending was a good idea, but says that it can have negative outcomes: your partner will get inaccurate feedback about what works for you during sex, if you get found out it can damage trust and, at a cultural level, it perpetuates inaccurate expectations about women’s orgasms. Judging by this research, those unrealistic expectations may also hold for men. So who does faking hurt? Only you, your partner and society. No pressure.