Of all the things people with kids told me about what motherhood would be like, one has held truer than most: your back will never be the same. It starts in pregnancy, as the body releases relaxin, a hormone that loosens the joints and ligaments – and eventually softens and lengthens the cervix – in preparation for childbirth. That almost sounds pleasant, right? It relaxes your muscles to make childbirth easier. Unfortunately, it feels more like you’ve been put on a medieval stretching rack, and some evil hunchback is turning a crank that’s slowly pulling your pelvis apart.

Labor can be difficult on the back as well, especially if the baby is positioned in such a way as to cause what’s called “back labor”, another innocuous term for intense lower back pain, generally thought to be caused by the baby’s head pushing against the lower back.

And then there’s the chronic strain of carrying a baby, and then a toddler, around for a few years. Even with the various wraps and carriers, this tends to inflict damage, especially on the lower back. I remember during the late afternoon and early evening when my son was a newborn – a period of the day some people call “the witching hour” but I like to call the “asshole hour” – the only way to get him to stop screaming was to wrap him up in a sling attached to me, and walk continuously. Even at 10lb, by the time he would relax and I could put him in his bassinet, I could barely walk.

When I’d gone through about three weeks of back pain-induced insomnia, and was snapping everyone’s head off on a regular basis, I decided to finally do something.

I work three jobs, pay for childcare, rent both my house and my car, and, because I’m a freelance journalist, have to pay for both my own healthcare and my own maternity leave, which, if I’m lucky, I might be able to stretch to a month. All of which is to say, for me to make the decision to finally do something about the chronic back pain caused by pregnancy, childbirth and hauling a large-for-his-age child around for a little over three years, it had to get to the point where I could no longer sleep at night.

I researched online, talked to friends and doctors, and tried everything anyone suggested. Most of it didn’t work, but here are the few things that did.

Heating pad or hot compresses

Some people say you shouldn’t use an electrical heating pad while pregnant, because of the electrical current or because the heat may get too high; others say it’s totally fine. Although my general take on such things is to use the precautionary principle and avoid any potential risk, in this particular case, I do it occasionally when I’m in such acute pain that walking to the kitchen to heat up a pad and waiting the five or so minutes it takes seems like too much. I alternate the electric one with a heating pad I can heat up in the microwave when it’s not an urgent situation. In either case, the heat is helpful for short term relief, so can at least help me to get to sleep at night, but won’t necessarily keep me asleep.

Pillows

There are a ton of pregnancy pillows out there – just search for “pregnancy pillow” on Amazon. Sometimes marketed as “physical therapy pillows”, these are long, narrow pillows that can be helpful to redistribute weight in a way that makes lying down more comfortable and takes strain off any particularly stressed joints. They’re mostly interchangeable apart from their firmness, so it just depends on your preference. I use mine either to prop myself up so I can sleep on my back, or to wedge between my knees to straighten my hips out if I’m trying to sleep on my side. The latter can also be accomplished with just a normal pillow, too, and is helpful for taking some of the pressure off your hips and pelvis.

Prenatal yoga

The classes are expensive, so after going to a couple I just started doing the stretches that seemed most effective at home. For me, that includes cat and cow (getting on all fours and then alternately arching and rounding your back to stretch it); child’s pose (butt on heels, arms extended out in front, or whatever variation of that you can manage, depending on how pregnant you are); and pigeon’s pose (on the ground, one leg bent in front of you, the other stretched flat behind, with the top of the foot facing the floor, and then bending over your bent leg as far as you can). Another trick I learned in prenatal yoga: chair stretches. Particularly this one: sit in front of a chair, any way that’s comfortable for you (legs crossed in front, or open and on either side of the chair), fold your arms over your elbows and lean on the chair. This is another one that’s helpful for short term relief, but didn’t seem to offer a lasting fix for me.

Swimming

If you can get to a pool, a mellow swim can be really helpful – just being able to move your joints around in a weightless environment can help loosen up your hips and shift things around. There’s a community pool where I live that costs about $3 to use, but even still, I only manage to make it about once every two weeks.

Chiropractor

I had always assumed the chiropractor was off limits for preggos, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, there are many chiropractors who specialize in prenatal and postnatal care, and a good number of general chiropractors who have done specialized training to work with pregnant women. I found mine just by reading online reviews and going with one that had a handful of pregnancy-specific reviews, and I have to say this was by far the most helpful thing I did in terms of long lasting results. Apparently, as pregnancy goes on, chiropractic adjustments can also help to prep the body for delivery, and position the baby in such a way as to avoid back labor. Chiropractors aren’t as expensive as you may think. While an initial diagnostic session can run about $100, regular adjustments range from $40 - $60 and are generally recommended once every six weeks, barring an acute emergency.

Magnesium

Another thing my chiropractor recommended that I haven’t tried yet, but plan to: magnesium. According to him, most people are low on magnesium, and bolstering magnesium levels – which you can do either via supplements or by incorporating additional dark, leafy greens and wholegrains into your diet – can help not only with joint pain, but also with insomnia.