Name: Juicero
Age: New!
Appearance: A sort of white thing.
Is this a juicer? Duh, I mean yeah, if you think a Ferrari is “a car”.
Well it is. Never mind that. Juicero is a WiFi-enabled juicing system, app and chopped-fruit-and-vegetable delivery service that has just launched in California.
So it’s like every buzzy startup idea ever, all rolled into one? That’s right, which is probably why the founder, a juicevangelist called Doug Evans, has managed to raise $120m (£84m) in investments from companies such as Google and Campbell’s Soup.
What the… ! $120m for a product that hasn’t even launched yet? I know. And each Juicero machine is priced at $699 (£490), with each pouch of fruit and veg costing between $5 and $7.
Who on earth would be willing to pay that much for a juicer that commits them to spending a fiver each time they make a glass of juice? Gwyneth Paltrow loves it, apparently.
Of course she does. How about anyone non-rich? We’re about to find out. “Juicero makes it easy to get your nutritious dose of fresh, raw, organic fruits and vegetables,” the company explains.
I didn’t realise it was hard. Don’t you just buy some and eat them? I suppose you might.
Or you could buy cartons of juice, or get one of those Nutribullet blenders that people seem to like? I suppose. But who has time to actually buy and rinse things? Instead, with Juicero, you just take a packet of sealed ingredients out of the fridge and hang it in your machine, which reads a QR code on the back, determines that it’s fresh, and squeezes it incredibly hard, sending all the juice into a glass below. Then you just chuck the pack into landfill – or cut it open with scissors, scrape out the old pulp, rinse it clean, and put it in the recycling.
I see … So it’s like mindbendingly expensive coffee pods for juice, then? Almost exactly like that, yes. Venture capitalists expect it to “disrupt” the home-juicing market.
Do what to the what, now? Make people unhappy with the juicers they already have.
Ah. Except the crackpots who actually eat fruit and vegetables? They won’t care, right? Yeah. Those weirdos are in a world of their own.
Do say: “Think of us as your personal juicing sous chef.”
Don’t say: “Think of us when we go bust.”