First, a confession. I once commented unfavourably on the legs of one of my daughters. I was cross about her short school skirt, but it’s no excuse. May God forgive me because, according to a study this week in Eating and Weight Disorders, she will never get over it. Researchers found that the more a parent comments on their daughter’s weight, the more likely she will be unhappy with her body as a young woman. In the study, 501 women between the ages of 20 and 35 were asked about their body image and to recall how often their parents commented about their weight. Those with a healthy body mass index were nearly a third less likely to recall parents commenting on their weight than women who were overweight. But regardless of their BMI, women were less satisfied with their weight if their parents had made remarks about their size as adolescents. The message to parents? Zip it. But does that mean you can’t comment at all?
The solution
I hoped, initially, that the evidence in this area would be rather weak but Dr Rachel Rodgers, associate professor at the department of applied psychology at Northeastern University in Boston, assures me it isn’t. Her review of 56 studies shows that parents have a strong impact on their children’s (of both sexes) attitudes to food and their bodies. The research suggests that parents who try to control their children’s diets, encourage them to watch their weight and advocate thinness as desirable are more likely to have daughters, in particular, who grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies.
Rodgers offers sound advice: “Parents should avoid commenting on their children’s weight or appearance: that includes criticism, teasing, or even ‘positive’ statements. They should avoid encouraging their children to diet, or suggesting they need to lose weight. They should avoid ‘not allowing’ certain foods, telling their children that certain foods are ‘bad’ or trying to restrict their children’s diets.” Parents who reward their children’s good behaviour with food increase the likelihood that they will grow up to be more unhappy with their bodies; food should be linked to alleviating hunger.
Rodgers says parents can model positive attitudes about food – eating meals with their children and making them enjoyable. They should explain that most images in the media are unrealistic and unrepresentative. But it doesn’t stop there. As part of the positive modelling, parents should avoid commenting on their own weight and appearance, or anyone else’s. They should avoid skipping meals themselves, or going on diets.
Young women might over-remember the comments their parents make (who doesn’t blame their parents for everything?), but Rodgers says the limitations of recall affect both parties, and parents may under-remember. So best not to comment at all.
