I am 64. My girlfriend is 48. She cannot take the pill, so I wear a condom. I have no problem having an orgasm without a condom but when I wear one, I don’t get the same sensation. Today, I had her stroke me while having intercourse, but the position is uncomfortable for her. Oral is out – she had a bad experience in the past.

First, experiment with different kinds of condoms. A wide variety is available on the market, and certain types might allow a better sensation for you. But try to think creatively about your sexual styles. Is it important for you to climax during intercourse, or could you enjoy “her favourite” for a while, then remove the condom and invite her to bring you to orgasm manually – with your help and guidance?

As men age, they need more direct genital stimulation, so as a couple you will have to find ways to cater to your needs. For example, I am sure that the erotic imaginations of you and your girlfriend could lead you both to devise exciting ways to achieve orgasm.

It would also be reasonable for your own hand to provide the finishing touch. The best sex occurs when teaching, learning and experimentation takes place between partners who ask for what they truly need.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.