I’m ravenous, honestly – why doesn’t anybody tell you that being pregnant makes you permanently starving? Oh dear, I’m not sure there’s anything I can eat: I can’t risk the mayonnaise, well, maybe I should just stick to broccoli – no, you have wine, I’ll have hot water. Can you believe how much we all used to drink? No, you two go ahead, I don’t miss it, same with tea and coffee and, interestingly, cake.

That’s an incredible thing about being pregnant – you finally find out what it’s like to be really, really healthy. I’m never going back to drinking myself stupid, when you think about the fertility risks, I was so lucky to get pregnant the first month. We were only just thinking it might be a good time when, bam, the stick goes blue. Here, I’ll show you… no?

Well, it’s great when you think we might go for another soon after, though I know they say wait a bit, but it’s nice to know that Dave has definitely got what it takes, if you see what I mean. Actually, he’s wildly turned on by the whole thing, oops, is that TMI? That’s an amazing thing about being pregnant, it’s so sensuous, it totally brings you together as a couple.

Ugh, sorry, your fish is making me retch. No, just some bile this time, mainly I feel great, so lucky the weight is all on my bump, ooh, there goes Peanut – that’s our foetus name – wriggling again, feel, there! Never stops, the midwife says it means Peanut’s probably unusually intelligent. I’d show you the scan except we’re waiting for the gender reveal party. Yes, right, sex reveal, but I think gender sounds nicer. You will come? It’s doubling as a baby shower to save you buying two presents. Do you think it’s nicer to have reveal pink or blue balloons, or a reveal buggy, or a reveal cake filling, no, I don’t think they do a non-binary filling.

I know it’s probably hard to understand if you’ve never been there – that’s another wonderful thing about being pregnant, you get to share the journey with all your friends.