Choose which statement, a) or b), best applies to you.

Asked to give an impromptu speech, you:

a) Wing it

b) Decline

Changing behaviour to suit different situations is:

a) Easy

b) Difficult

If you don’t like someone they would:

a) Not suspect

b) Know it

You seek the advice of others:

a) Often

b) Rarely

Watching comedies with others, you:

a) Laugh more

b) Laugh if moved to

Mostly ‘a’s may suggest an inclination to please, and mostly ‘b’s to shrug off social demands. Psychologist Mark Snyder claims we differ in our focus: ‘What is the ideal person for this situation and how can I be it?’ or ‘How can I best be me in this situation?’ While Shakespeare said ‘all the world’s a stage’ and we are merely players, Erving Goffman warned at worst this leads to ‘a special kind of alienation from self’ and ‘a wariness of others’. Fyodor Dostoevsky eschewed approval: ‘Hang your merit. I don’t seek anyone’s approbation’ and Plutarch said ‘I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod’. Sometimes, as Aesop argued: ‘If you try to please all you please no one’.