I had my two young children close together and decided to go freelance (working occasionally, until now). It’s been four years since I’ve been in full-time work and my confidence has dipped. How can I get it back?

I am obsessed with working and I’m switched on 24/7, but I’ve never understood why we often make our careers the be-all and end-all; confidence is too often linked to professional performance.

You’ve lost your nerve because you are judging yourself by the standards that society has set for you, when in actual fact you’ve done the most important job of all: you’ve grown a life! Two, in fact.

You have taken the time out to raise our next generation, our future. I wish women and men who choose to do this could be paid to raise children as a full-time job; I think they should be valued most highly of all. It’s the toughest job there is.

But back to the question of confidence: whenever I’m feeling mine is low, I don’t change myself to fit what other people want me to be, I change my attitude. Repeat after me: “I created life. I can do anything.”

If you genuinely want to get back into the rat race, then look for gaps in your knowledge where your industry has progressed at a rapid pace. Read books, blogs and listen to podcasts to get up to speed. You have the same access to information as anyone else. Seek out people whose careers you admire and approach them to ask for a coffee; try to understand how they got where you want to be.

Use it all as a springboard, and you’ll soon realise how much you already know. But don’t let your confidence be related to societal expectations. It’s too precious a quality to be placed in the hands of others.

• Send your questions for Sharmadean to bossing.it@theguardian.com