When Mike Fisher, the director of the British Association of Anger Management, read about Take:90, an initiative that encourages people to count for 90 seconds when they feel stressed to prevent them getting angry, he felt furious. “I work with extremely angry people. If you’re as angry as them, waiting for 90 seconds isn’t going to help,” he says. The experts backing Take:90 argue that it takes 90 seconds for “feelings of anger to disappear from the brain” – but this could backfire for many people with an anger problem, says Prof Windy Dryden, the emeritus professor of psychotherapeutic studies at Goldsmiths, University of London: “For some people, it’s fine, but other people will ruminate and at the end of the 90 seconds, they will be even more angry.”

So, what can you do about your anger if the very idea of counting to 90 is making you twitch with rage? Therapy or an anger management programme can help – as can the following three approaches.

Ask why you are angry

When you feel anger building, ask yourself: “What am I angry about?” Dryden says. “If you don’t take responsibility for your anger, if you think the other person has made you angry, that’s like walking up a hill with a stone tied to your leg.”

Get help

Develop a support network of at least eight people you can call when you feel anger rising, says Fisher. “Support is fundamental in managing anger – a listening ear can help you with your distress. But you don’t want people to collude with you. You want them to say: hold on, what is your part in the drama? It’s not about justifying the anger, rage and fury. You need them to hold you to account and say: maybe the other person has a point.”

Recognise physical signs

Milee Brambleby, a workplace mediator, says that, in order to have conversations rather than fights, it helps to recognise your personal physiological signs of anger. “My mouth sets like a steel trap – some people get a flush, others go cold, some get sticky palms. Then say to yourself: ‘That has really pushed my buttons,’ and to whomever has made you angry: ‘I need to think before I respond, can you give me a minute?’ Buy yourself the space to think and let things simmer down before you react.