The health secretary Matt Hancock has suggested that in order to prevent the spread of coronavirus, people should wash their hands while singing Happy Birthday – twice, though – in order to ensure the operation lasts the recommended 20 seconds. As a tune like Happy Birthday gets old fast, especially when it isn’t anyone’s birthday, are there any other songs that might fit the bill? Of course there are.
Ooh Ahh… Just a Little Bit – Gina G
Britain’s 1996 Eurovision entry only came eigth, but that’s probably because there wasn’t a worldwide pandemic on at the time. The chorus is almost exactly 20 seconds long and the lyrics are, if anything, less challenging than Happy Birthday. They are also vaguely encouraging, reminding you, just when you think you’re done, to wash your hands that little bit more.
Take on Me – A-ha
The chorus of this one is also 20 seconds once through, provided you can hold the last note and resist the urge to rush it along. The high notes might be a problem for some, so start on the lowest note available to you.
Jolene – Dolly Parton
This, which comes from a song list supplied by journalist Jen Monnier on Twitter, has another 20-second chorus. It is also only 25 words long, and eight of them are Jolene.
Happy Birthday to You (You Live in a Zoo version)
You know what never gets old? This classic parody of the traditional celebratory singalong. Also recommended are Jingle Bells (Batman Smells version), This Land Is My Land (It Is Not Your Land version).
4’33” – John Cage
Obviously you will only need the first 20 seconds of this silent orchestral piece, but it is ideal if you have a terrible singing voice. Just use a timer, like the conductor.
Any Dream Will Do – Andrew Lloyd Webber & Tim Rice
The standout song from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat should get you at least 15 seconds into your ablutions before you forget what comes next, unless you are a diehard fan, in which case you will have very clean fingernails. You can also adjust the words to narrate the whole operation (“I wash my hands / For 15 seconds / Not enough they reckon / It will have to do”), making it a bit more instructive.
Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees
As has been pointed out on Twitter, the chorus of Stayin’ Alive is a generous, health-and-safety conscious 24 seconds, but it is also recommended as the song you are meant to do CPR to in order to maintain the correct pace. In the coming months, we may well be doing a lot of both handwashing and CPR, so it is probably safer to have one song for everything.
Signs – the Five Man Electrical Band
The first verse of the 1971 hit single by the Canadian rockers, the one that begins: “And the sign said: ‘Long-haired Freaky People Need Not Apply …’” – will take you about 20 seconds to warble through. If you don’t know it already, learn it. You will wake up every morning absolutely gagging to wash your hands.
