Nearly three weeks into 2023 and, unprecedentedly, my new year’s resolution is intact. It concerns data – specifically, health data, my health data – and I’m proud to say my data’s up to date. First thing every morning, I weigh myself. This is more of a fiddle than it should be because, sans specs, I can’t see the numbers. And I don’t want to wear my glasses (or anything else for that matter) because, like a boxer or jockey trying to make the weight, every gram counts. So I climb aboard, wait until the numbers stop flashing, then leap off, bend down and read them in the two seconds they give you before clearing the screen. It’s quite a good workout in itself.
Then, with a spring in my step (if I’ve lost weight) or a heavy heart (if I haven’t) I make my way downstairs to take my blood pressure. Thereafter, depending on my overall numbers, I fight off either self-love or self-loathing as I make a cup of tea. It’s a high-stakes start to the day, I tell you.
I’ve been driven to this madness by the piece I wrote about the number of pills I take every day (nine, at last count). What I assumed I’d get by way of a response was lots of: “Oh yes, you and me both.” That kind of thing. What I got instead was lots of: “Christ mate, are you OK?” It also became clear that losing weight would ease the symptoms of most of my maladies.
I have spent most of my adult life knocking on 18 stone, north of 110 kilos. I managed to lose 10% of that long-term but, on 1 January, 102.6 kilos felt portly. I’ve resolved to get down to below 90. It’s going rather well, due in no small part to what a dispiriting start to the day the dawn weigh-in can be if I’ve not been a good boy. I don’t mind telling you I fair whooped with delight this morning when I went sub-99 for the first time. I woke the dog up, actually, but he didn’t mind a bit.
Adrian Chiles is a writer, broadcaster and Guardian columnist
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