Name: The dream job.

Age: It’s been out there ever since hunter-gatherers started grunting about getting into the slash-and-burn agriculture game.

Appearance: Elusive, to say the least.

What is the dream job? That depends on your ambitions and interests, but polls show that for most workers it would include flexible hours, new challenges every day, not being stuck behind a desk, an opportunity for foreign travel and the freedom to bring your pet to work.

So … lion tamer. Yes, although some people don’t like wearing a uniform.

What else then? Globally, the jobs most frequently used to complete the search term “how to be a … ” are pilot, writer, dancer and YouTuber.

And how do you go about securing one of these optimal situations? By and large, you don’t.

Why not? Because the dream job doesn’t really exist.

Who says? Survey respondents. According to new research, 46% of working adults said they believe there is no such thing as their dream job.

Not even a majority then. No, but 71% admitted they’re not in their dream job right now, and 54% don’t believe they ever will be.

That’s kind of depressing. Furthermore, 41% confessed that their ideal job was probably an unrealistic goal.

Who commissioned this thoroughly disheartening research? Accor, a French multinational hospitality company.

Hospitality? Doesn’t that make it an international provider of nightmare jobs? Not necessarily. Some people enjoy working in the hospitality industry.

No they don’t. Sixty per cent of those polled who worked in hospitality said they were satisfied.

Pretending to like it is part of the job. And one of the top 10 dream job requirements cited by those surveyed was “the opportunity to make people happy”. Isn’t that what hospitality is all about?

No, it’s about making cocktails for people who are already drunk. May I ask what it is that you do for a living?

I perform reconstructive surgery on men wishing to reverse their vasectomies. And do you find that rewarding?

Yes, it’s making a vas deferens. I see what you’ve done there, unfortunately.

But my dream job is to write jokes for slightly saucy Christmas crackers. I’m afraid we don’t have anything like that available at the moment.

Will you keep my CV on file? No.

Do say: “Be careful what you wish for. Unless it’s another mojito – I can get that for you right away.”

Don’t say: “I fell asleep again! Who knew flying a plane could be so boring?”