Name: Dozing from home.

Age: Newly revived, for the pandemic and beyond.

Appearance: Like sleeping, except you get paid.

You mean napping on the job? Yes, but you’re working from home.

Why does that matter? Because that way nobody has to know about it, at least until someone commissions some research.

And now somebody has? A new survey produced for Sky Broadband reveals that Britons take up to three naps across an average working week – 3.4 for men, and 2.7 for women.

That doesn’t sound so bad. According to the poll of 1,500 adults, homeworkers also browse social media nine times a day, play with their pets twice, shop online twice, share an average of three hilarious memes and message family and friends eight times. A quarter of them never get out of their pyjamas.

This is insane. Don’t these people know how to lie to a pollster? They also watch an average of four TV episodes across a week during work hours.

It sounds as if we’re all getting back to the office just in the nick of time. Apparently a third of us are still working from home at least one day in seven, with others adopting a hybrid “3:2” model – three days in the office and two at home every week.

How long can this go on for? Of those surveyed, 77% think the traditional 9-to-5 workday is gone for ever; a quarter now have dedicated office space at home.

I’ve said it before – this country is doomed. Or maybe not – despite all the distractions 45% insist they’re actually more productive when they work from home.

I take it back: these people do know how to lie to pollsters. The time they save on commuting means that homeworkers add, on average, an extra 20 minutes to each working day.

Twenty minutes? That’s almost a whole episode of Doctors. And 76% claim they have a better relationship with colleagues now that they don’t have to see them in person every day.

That much I can believe. Homeworkers also appreciate saving money (41%), and being able to use their own loos (36%).

Are there no good reasons to go back to the office? Some people miss the banter (36%) and the gossip (23%).

That’s still not worth getting dressed for. True.

Do say: “What time is the next Zoom meeting? I’ll set my alarm.”

Don’t say: “I’m very excited by this new marketing campaign, as you can see from the excited eyes I’ve painted on my eyelids.”