Name: Caffeine.

Age: Let’s say 1,173 years, because the nicest story about its discovery involves an Ethiopian goatherd named Kaldi who, circa 850, noticed increased activity in his goats after they had eaten coffee beans.

Because caffeine is a drug? Yes, a central nervous system stimulant of the methylxanthine class. It’s found in coffee, but also in black and green tea, cocoa and – less naturally – energy drinks.

And drugs are bad, right? Just say no! Well, yes and no. Or not always. A new study has found that drinking coffee or tea in middle age can make you stronger in old age.

Yeah, right. A study of 11 people, carried out by baristas and commissioned by Starbucks? Actually, a study of 12,000 participants by a team from the National University of Singapore (NUS) over 20 years. It was published in the Journal of the American Directors Association.

I love that magazine! Sounds legit. How did the study work? Participants were interviewed in midlife (the average age was 53) about their caffeine intake, then again at an average age of 73, when they were asked: do you feel full of energy?

And the coffee drinkers were, er, full of beans? Well, yes. Also, their weight was recorded and their hand-grip measured. They did a Tug test, too.

Veterans tug-of-war! Cool! No, that’s a timed up-and-go test, in which a person gets out of a chair and walks to a point a few metres away in order to assess their mobility and balance.

And the caffeine addicts were there in a flash? No one is talking about caffeine addicts. Of the coffee drinkers, 52.9% drank one cup a day, 42.2% two to three cups and 4.9% four or more. The 4.9% were found to have significantly reduced odds of physical frailty in later life, compared with the ones who didn’t drink coffee daily. Small caveat …

… or should that be cafe-at? No. Prof Koh Woon Puay of the NUS’s Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine said: “Further studies are still needed … to investigate if these effects on physical frailty are mediated by caffeine or other chemical compounds.”

Presumably there have been other studies of caffeine? So, so many. It is associated with positive effects (heart health, decreased stroke risk, improved physical performance) as well as negative ones (digestive issues, anxiety and possibly addiction).

One minute it’s good for you, the next it’s bad. See also red wine, chocolate, beer. In general, it seems that, in moderation, caffeine is fine and may do you some good.

Do say: “Double espresso, please. The name? Supergran!”

Don’t say: “You’d have the jitters, too, if you hadn’t slept for a week.”