The Secret, a self-help book that is one of the most extraordinary publishing successes of the past decade, argues that there is a single, overwhelmingly powerful secret known to all the greatest humans through history. It has "utterly transformed the lives of every person who ever knew it". Plato possessed this mysterious knowledge, as did Da Vinci and Shakespeare; all guarded it obsessively, lest it become more widely known. It has been passed down the generations from Newton to Beethoven to Einstein. Now it has been passed to the author of The Secret, an Australian daytime-TV producer named Rhonda Byrne. So, to recap: that's Plato, Da Vinci, Shakespeare, Newton, Beethoven, Einstein, and Australian daytime-TV producer Rhonda Byrne. Is it just me, or is one of those names not like the others?

Perhaps it is just me: The Secret has sold 1.75m copies worldwide, and a movie version on DVD has sold 1.5m. Oprah Winfrey has dedicated two shows to it, and Newsweek has dedicated a cover; it's easily the bestselling popular-psychology book on both sides of the Atlantic, and one of the fastest-selling in any genre. The reason is obvious: laziness. The Secret echoes the New Age ideas promoted by that other major historical figure, Noel Edmonds, but in ultra-distilled form, stripped of all vestiges of common sense. Focusing intently on what you want in life isn't just helpful, it claims: it's all you need to do. Scenes in the movie show people visualising sports cars and jewellery (unremitting materialism is a recurring theme) and thereby literally altering reality, so that they get them. That, apparently, is the knowledge behind Shakespeare and Einstein's success. And there was I thinking they were just clever.

I'm sick of all this, and so humbly present The Anti-Secret, based on hidden knowledge from, well, published scientific studies, actually:

1) Think negatively. As the psychologist Julie Norem shows in her book The Positive Power Of Negative Thinking, being a natural pessimist is perfectly compatible with living a happy life. Positive thinkers strain to convince themselves things will go well. "Defensive pessimists" map out worst-case scenarios and thus eliminate anxiety as a barrier to action.

2) Limit your choices. Too much choice makes us miserable; believing you can do anything induces paralysis. The psychologist Dan Gilbert showed students a selection of photographic prints, allowing them to choose one to keep. Those who were told their decision was final ended up liking their print more than those who were told they'd be able to change their minds later.

3) Forget the cars and jewellery. People chronically overestimate how much a change in circumstances will affect them. Paraplegics and lottery winners, a year after becoming paraplegic or winning the lottery, report similar happiness levels. About 50% of your happiness is due to genetics, says Sonja Lyubomirsky at the University of California; 40% to behaviour and ways of thinking that you can influence. Circumstances account for 10%. The millions Byrne is raking in may not end up making her happy after all.

oliver.burkeman@theguardian.com