The bright ceramic street number by my front door makes me smile and cringe in equal measure. It reminds me of everything I went through, but also that I survived, and that even when I was ill, there were some good times.
I made the colourful plaque at Grove House when I was recovering from chemotherapy and surgery for breast cancer. We were 11 women with cancer, sitting at a table, rolling, flattening and moulding clay, chatting and laughing, amazed to see something beautiful, happy and strong growing out of our tired hands. We took it as an omen.
Grove House is a light and airy building by the hospital in St Albans, Hertfordshire. With its wooden beams, artwork on every wall and large windows opening on to exuberant gardens, it is a place of quiet beauty, relaxation and support for people on a frightening and often lonely journey. Like a growing number of centres across the country, this charity, partially funded by Macmillan Cancer Relief, offers holistic treatments, information and practical services from day care to physiotherapy, as well as counselling for people with cancer and their families.
It also offers a unique, eight-week course called, "Cancer, the Next Step", to help younger people cope with their cancer diagnoses and rebuild their lives. Cancer risk increases with age but, of the 35,000 women diagnosed with breast cancer every year in the UK, 20% are pre-menopausal. To help meet their different needs, Grove House has designed a series of eight one-day programmes combining information, talks, art therapy and other complementary therapies. The course is open four times a year to men and women with cancer between the ages of 18 and 55. So far, however, mostly women have attended - the majority of them with breast cancer.
On a rainy Monday last spring, 11 of us sat on comfy chairs sipping coffee and tea served by friendly volunteers. Most of us were working mothers; otherwise we were all different in physique, personality and lifestyle.
We were also at various stages of our treatment, but had all decided to come to Grove House because, while doctors were dealing with our cancer, we felt we were left on our own to manage the side effects and all the changes cancer had brought in our lives.
After the morning lectures on yoga, diet and nutrition and other topics, we eagerly converged to the dining room. Over lunch, we exchanged notes about treatments and side-effects, and tips to alleviate them. We discussed self-image, mood swings, sleepless nights and fear. We asked how our partners and children were coping. Among these women, I felt safe and supported. I didn't need to wear my hat, I could be more honest than with my friends and family, and I didn't have to be positive all the time.
The afternoons were reserved for art and complementary therapies. It was a time of sheer relaxation and pleasure, away from the dreary business of cancer. I felt like a 10-year-old again, painting on silk, moulding clay pots and plates. Throughout the afternoon, volunteer therapists offered us treatments such as Reiki, Indian head massage and aromatherapy. For women like me, whose bodies had been assaulted by radiation, surgery and chemotherapy, and who felt weak, sick and unattractive, this nurturing, comforting touch was incredibly healing. I felt like a child in my mother's arms again.
At the end, we decided to keep in touch and we now meet once a month. We all want to put cancer behind us and plunge back into our lives but, I suppose like war veterans, we cannot totally forget. We still have to deal with the cancer aftermath. We still sometimes feel tired and uncertain about the future. Once a month, we need each other's support, understanding and laughter.
· For more information, call Grove House on (01727) 897 458: or enquiries@Grove-House.org.uk
