Heather Straughan

My first episode of manic depression came out of absolutely nowhere 10 years ago when I was 31. I had no personal or family history of mental illness and so, as I crossed the line from sanity to madness, I had absolutely no idea what was happening.

I was working in finance at the time; it was a very stressful job, in a foreign country, and I'd just had a relationship break-up, so I was feeling stressed, anxious and isolated. As I worked to organise my life, I didn't notice my sense of reality drifting away from normality. I ended up living in a world that was like a waking dream. I heard voices speaking to me from the radio and television, and thought I could read people's minds. I stopped eating, drinking and sleeping. I lived in a state of manic euphoria. I began to believe I was the Second Coming of Christ, and began walking through the streets dressed in a sheet, carrying a candle and giving money away to strangers.

I started taking medication, which I'm still on, and began cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped enormously, and I am now stable.

Although modern society has opened up to mental illness and is less likely to stigmatise victims, women sufferers continue to face particular problems because the world still has firm ideas about women's role and the ways in which they should - and should not - behave. The issue is that, while it is acceptable for a woman to cry and show her vulnerability, it is not considered acceptable for her to express her distress through aggression or in other ways that are deemed to be unfeminine. We desperately need to smash through this taboo because depressed people are often angry and behave in a way that alienate others, and it is those people who need non-judgmental help and support the most.

Judy Colhoun
A director of Aware Defeat Depression in Dublin

I have a long history of depression. I'm 52 now and was first diagnosed with postnatal depression when I was 34, after the birth of my fourth child. Looking back though, I think the PND label was misleading: I now believe I was suffering bouts of general depression in my teens but no one knew what it was then.

After I was diagnosed, I had two other episodes of depression, the last of which debilitated me to the extent that I was unable to work for five months. That was when I decided that I needed to take control of my illness if I was to beat it, and part of that was being open with others. Previously, I'd always kept quiet about what I was suffering because I was so scared of how people would react.

What I found was that, although society is more emotionally eloquent about depression, it still has a big issue with female sufferers. Society finds it hard to forgive women who fail in their role of being all things to all people; the perfect mother, wife and career woman. It's very stressful trying to keep all those balls in the air but it's what is expected of us. You have to be a strong woman to hold out against that sort of pressure, and sufferers of depression are not strong in that way, by definition.

What I tell people now, though, is that, despite being common and devastating, depression is also the most easily treatable of all the mental illnesses; all you need is information and support from friends, family and neighbours.

Anonymous

I am in my mid-twenties and live in Northern Ireland where I work in the field of mental health.

Looking back it is hard to be sure, but I think the problems began when I was about 13. I would feel very low, anxious and isolated and think that there was no point to anything. There was no reason for it - my parents loved me and provided for my every need, I was popular and schoolwork was no problem to me - but over the next few years I became deeply depressed.

My behaviour became self-destructive: I drank, self-harmed and got involved in damaging relationships. Schoolwork suffered, at times I became so anxious that I couldn't bear to be around people and I frequently contemplated suicide. I didn't seek help because I didn't know I was ill and I had always managed to keep enough of a veneer of functionality that those around me let it go as normal teenage moods and acting out.

I was in my late teens when I realised that maybe I didn't have to feel like this. I went to see my GP who prescribed anti-depressants. Within a couple of months I was unrecognisable to myself - I had confidence, my mind was no longer like a broken record stuck on the most horrible thoughts. Anti-depressants aren't magic - they just cleared the fog in my brain and lifted my mood enough for me to make sensible decisions and do things that were going to help me feel better not worse.

I have been free of depression for eight years. I am realistic and know that I have a 50-50 chance of going into it again so I try to look after my mental health as best I can, but I don't live in fear because I know depression is treatable.