I had terrible post-natal depression after the birth of my first child two years ago, and was so traumatised I said I'd never have another baby. I was frightened by my lack of love towards my daughter in the six months after her birth, and often cried uncontrollably. I had no energy for anything and felt isolated and depressed. In my darkest moments, I even thought about leaving my family, because they'd be better off without me. Eventually I received treatment, but the experience has left its scars. My husband recently said that he would love another child and the truth is I would, too, but I'm really scared the same thing will happen to me again. Can I protect myself from experiencing post-natal depression again?

The counsellor

Liz Wise

Given your experience with PND I'm not surprised you fear a recurrence. Statistics show that women who've had PND once have a slightly increased risk of getting it again. However, in my 12 years as a counsellor I've met many women who had PND first time round and yet had a 'normal' post-natal experience with their second baby. There is no protection against getting PND, but you can plan strategies to cope with it. First, make your GP and health visitor aware of your PND history at an early stage in pregnancy so they can monitor you. Next, build up a network of friends and family for practical and emotional help, and find out about local PND support groups from your GP or NCT class (0870 444 8707). Also, rest is vital - tiredness magnifies depressive feelings - but stay active, too, as exercise releases endorphins that can relieve feelings of tiredness and depression.

· Liz Wise is post-natal depression support co-ordinator for the National Childbirth Trust and committee member for the Association for Post Natal Illness

The fellow sufferer

Amanda Kerr

I had PND with each of my three children and my symptoms were just like yours - a lack of feeling towards my baby, lots of crying, paralysing depression. With my first baby I was diagnosed late and so spent 18 difficult months battling the illness. But each subsequent time I've had PND, it's become easier to handle as I've understood what was happening to me. With my second child, the PND didn't appear until five months after the birth, brought on, I believe, by exhaustion. This time I was prepared: my mum helped with childcare during the day, my husband did the night feeds, I took antidepressants and had counselling. It made a massive difference. The third time I employed a maternity nurse so I could rest and did a baby-massage course which helped me bond with my baby. I also went to a PND support group every week. There's a huge safety net of support for people like us, and if you're prepared to access it, you will find your PND much easier to recover from.

· Amanda Kerr, 37, is a mother of three

The psychologist

Dr Susan Pawlby

I do a lot of work with women who, like you, have struggled to establish a relationship with their babies due to PND. My advice is to talk to your GP before you get pregnant. Up to 50 per cent of women with PND develop depression in pregnancy - monitoring throughout pregnancy will help early diagnosis and treatment. Once you've had the baby, a useful technique is to film you playing with your baby. Often, I video the mother and baby, then we watch the footage together, identifying the positive interaction. For example, a mother might say, 'My baby never looks at me', which indicates rejection, but when I show her the video, she realises he does look at her, and it helps the process of attachment. I also encourage women to talk to their babies - making sure they pause so the baby can 'talk' back - which helps them to think of the baby as a 'real' person communicating. Finally, try baby massage, as it encourages intimacy.

· Dr Susan Pawlby is a research perinatal psychologist at the Institute of Psychiatry, King's College London

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