My wife told me a couple of months ago that she has been thinking for years about having breast augmentation. I was shocked, as I have never thought of her breasts as being very small, and besides, I believe we should accept ourselves as we are. Changing one's appearance in this way almost equates to a symptom of mental illness in my mind. However, I have miserably failed to persuade her of my ideas. What is phoniness for me is a mere technical alteration for her. She says her breast size affects her sexuality and her self-esteem, and that since medicine offers the chance to fix parts of our bodies that we don't like, we should take it.
Aside from this we are happily married, we have a little son and we have a similar lifestyle. I can see some point in what she says: she wore a device to straighten her back in adolescence and she thinks this affected her breast size. Her mother even took her to a doctor at the time to ask about this but they said there was no problem. Her breasts are small (though not to me!). However, I am afraid that, apart from the risk any operation carries, this could affect our sexuality, as I may see her as an artefact.
How much should I try to discourage her? After all, it is her body and she has a right to do what she wishes.
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments).
