The only time I've had nail extensions was about 15 years ago at a hair and beauty show in Birmingham. You know the type of thing: round-the-clock catwalk shows, a jarring sound system and hundreds of girls clutching goodie bags and hoping to be spotted by a modelling agency.

Drunk on the glamour of it all, and seduced by some serious sales patter, I walked away with falsies and a Frenchie that would have given any footballer's wife a run for her money. One week later the nails started to come off, taking most of my natural nail with them. It took about six months for them to recover, and I have associated false nails and French manicures with wrecked nails and faux glamour ever since.

I made my appointment to see nail technician Garey Hall because my nails were in need of expert attention, but I was adamant about two things: I didn't want nail extensions and there was no way I'd be having a French manicure. Two hours later, I was waving goodbye with both. Hall somehow convinced me that Calgel (stockist, 01727 874379), the "nail enhancement system" for which he is international training director, won't look tacky and, more importantly, won't harm my nails.

"Calgel doesn't damage the natural nail because of how the product is applied," he says. "The only thing that is used before Calgel is applied is a light buffer to remove the natural shine of the nail." This means that if you find yourself thinking, "Sod it, now I'm here I might as well go for extensions" (and trust me, it can happen to the best of us), the glue is applied to the Calgel (which hardens like a clear nail varnish), rather than to your nail. And because Calgel is gas-permeable, it allows the nail beneath it to respire, unlike acrylic and some other gels.

I love my new nails, but the French manicure is a guilty pleasure, like admitting to liking Babycham. The next day is filled with compliments, and only one friend suspects something is awry: "Aren't your nails usually really manky?" she asks, which I guess is a compliment of sorts.