As relatives start arriving bearing the same glint in their eyes as a trough-bound herd of omnivorous pigs, and the creeping panic that you are the only parent in the universe not to have bought this year's essential toy settles on your shoulders like a concrete parrot, it may be a comfort to bear in mind that over the Christmas season there is every chance that you will be horrifically injured.

According to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, more than 6,000 people will end up in hospital on Christmas Day. During the 12 days of Christmas more than 80,000 visit A&E.

As roasting a turkey entails instructions more complicated than "pierce film lid", it's unsurprising that inexperienced chefs fall foul of Christmas dinner. Typical cases include drunken dads carving turkeys and severing fingers, slips as a result of grease on the kitchen floor and chefs not following the correct lifting procedure when moving 24lb turkeys - keep a straight back and bend the knees (that's the chef, not the turkey).

It's a sobering thought that Christmas trees account for more than 1,000 injuries each year (including branches in eyes and falling off chairs while placing the fairy) and lights bring seasonal misery to 350 people. Candles on the tree might look attractive on Christmas cards, but in real, non-illustrated life, the practice is best avoided. An annual task for the fire brigade is to explain that positioning candles underneath strings of cards can quickly turn your house into a gigantic Yule log.

While it may be wise to hide presents, it is not a good idea to put heavy gifts on top of wardrobes or on high shelves as there have been instances of people dropping computer monitors and TVs on to their heads. Even opening gifts is dangerous - whether it's screwdrivers jabbed through the palm while trying to penetrate packaging, or a knife slash while cutting through thick layers of sticky tape.