Not everyone is relaxed with the idea of seeing a therapist - for some people the idea is totally off the scale. But sometimes we all have problems that feel as if they will never go away, where it seems as if you are on a merry-go-round that will never stop spinning. These problems that rear their ugly heads for days, weeks, even years at a time can interfere with relationships, friendships, appetite, love life and day-to-day decision-making. Do you feel that's you at the moment? Maybe friends, lovers or family members have confronted you, independently of each other, concerning the same glitch - and you know that the problem can't be resolved by anyone but you.

If the same misunderstanding keeps being misunderstood over and over with different people, it may be a good time to consider help outside your usual support systems. Your friends can't always give you the perspective you need - there is such a thing as being too close, and biases and grudges can make for a tainted viewpoint. For me, it is also easier to hear criticism or feedback from a complete stranger.

But once you know it's time to find a therapist, finding a good one can be a huge obstacle. They come in every shape, size, colour and walk of life - and each therapist has their own approach and theories, ranging from woo-woo-witchy to sophisticated and down to earth. Think of finding a therapist as like buying a car: some want an all-terrain vehicle that takes control of the road; some want something practical with good mileage; some want a car that costs $50,000 and parks itself. Find what you want, and don't spend your money without giving it a spin first.

1. Before you start, decide what you want in a therapist and take some time out to think about all your likes and dislikes in a person. Keep in mind that a good therapist should be somewhat challenging. If you have a therapist who agrees with your every word, then your brain isn't getting proper exercise.

2. Do your research in advance, and learn the lingo - there are so many different terms and approaches, techniques and styles. If you have specific issues, keep focused on them. There are resources for people with all kinds of needs: queer issues, body issues, if you're a survivor of abuse ... If you have an issue, there will be someone to help, so don't be afraid to ask. All it takes is a quick search on the web, or in the phone book.

3. I've made the mistake a couple of times of spending too much time with the wrong person. Think back to that car - the whole point is to transport you from A to B. If you have given that car chance after chance, and it doesn't get you anywhere, it's time to take the bus. The point is you have to get somewhere.

4. If you feel ready, making a list of what you want from the experience can be useful. Is it to be more independent? To be more stable? Is it that you need to learn to relax? Maybe you have deep, hard issues such as abuse and adultery. The issues of each person vary, so to help both you and your potential therapist, write it all down.

5. Finally, be truthful. If you don't feel you can tell your therapist the truth, then you are not doing yourself any favours. If you are not getting answers or suggestions to help with your problem, raise it and work together to find a solution.

· Beth would love to answer your one-line question or dilemma in her fortnightly column. Please email them to beth.ditto@theguardian.com.