She didn't deserve it and she thought she had covered herself against it. On 3 October last year, my mother finally defied the doctors and, although they had declared 'all her vital organs working' and released her from intensive care, she died in the night, alone in a ward where she could not speak and had not the strength to call for a nurse if she needed one. But it should have been so different. We had all been told: 'I have done my living will, darling. It's with my doctor.'
Painter, sculptor, potter, swimmer and member of numerous groups, at 82, my mum was ageing brilliantly, an inspiration to us all. Her joie de vivre famous. As with all wonderful Jewish matriarchs, she could also drive you nuts, but that was all part of the mix.
On 15 June 2005, she was admitted to hospital with a minor stomach complaint only to discover a condition that required emergency surgery. Three months and three separate stays in hospital later, a second operation was deemed necessary and it was from this that she never recovered.
Fully conscious, but unable to communicate other than by an imperceptible nod or shake of the head, my kindly and smiling mum's face became Edvard Munch's Scream. There was nothing I could do to fulfil her wishes.
The last two weeks of her life were a living hell for all of us and somehow we, as a society, need to take more responsibility for how we deal with the end of the journey. We have to allow people some choice and the ability to demand death with dignity if that is their wish. It's no longer good enough for doctors to continue to save lives at all costs, with no thought for the quality of life that they are saving us for. This is not just a question that concerns the elderly - it can happen at any age - a car crash, a motorbike accident, a stroke.
We need to decide where we stand on this most contentious of issues and campaign for a change in the law. Why did the living will signed and witnessed correctly mean nothing to the doctors when I took it into the hospital? Why should I have had to beg and plead, sobbing, when she thought she'd had it sorted? How can we treat our pets with more humanity than our parents? Or, God forbid, our children?
We demand respect and choice in many other areas of our lives, so how can we ignore this most important of experiences just because it will be hard to monitor, hard to legislate for? There has to be a humane and intelligent way forward and we should all be committed to finding it, if for no other reason than it could be us or our loved ones next.
· Tricia Jones is a publishing executive
