The ultimate treat for anyone craving some TLC, this sequence requires oil, bare skin and a partner who can at least pretend they enjoy giving as much as receiving. Besides making you both feel pampered and loved, the aim of this massage is to relax the muscles all the way along your back, so it's best on a firm bed, sturdy table or comfy spot on the floor. Starting with luxurious effleurage strokes, you'll move up across the shoulders and neck before pushing your partner's pressure points. Even if you forget the moves halfway through, just remember to keep your hands in contact with your partner at all times. This avoids awkward "is it finished yet?" moments - though laughter is allowed.
1. Start by physically connecting with your partner. Place your hands in the centre of your partner's back and regulate your breathing. Once your head is clear of thoughts and you are breathing deeply together, keep one palm on your partner's back and reach for the (already open!) bottle of oil. Warm up the oil between your hands, keeping the sides of both hands on your partner's back. This maintains contact and avoids spillages. Don't be tempted to use too much oil: your hands should slide easily on their skin without slipping. Using long, relaxing strokes, apply the oil to your partner's back and sides until the entire area is evenly covered.
2. Begin with your palms flat on your partner's lower back with the spine in between your thumbs. Apply a comfortable level of pressure and slide up along the back until you reach your partner's shoulders. Really stretch the skin across the shoulders, then slide your hands back along the sides of the body. As you return to the base of the back, stretch the skin horizontally along the lower back. Your thumbs should be pointing upwards towards the neck, your fingers clasping the fleshy part of your partner's hips. Return to the centre and repeat twice.
3. Now slide your hands up the back and start to slowly knead the left shoulder. If your partner stores a lot of tension in this area, ask them to lay their arms either side of their body to really relax the muscles. They can also rest their forehead on a small, rolled towel to avoid any unnecessary stretching of the neck. Then, using the side of your index finger and thumb, slowly lift and roll the muscle tissue between both hands. Spend at least three minutes doing this.
4. Now move on to your partner's neck, kneading it gently with one hand. Place your other hand on your partner's forehead for support. Keep your movements very slow and deliberate - try not to pinch the skin as you work your way up and down the neck five times.
5. With your middle finger and thumb, begin to create gentle circular pressure on either side of their neck. Again, if your partner holds a lot of tension in their neck, ask them to lay their arms either side of their body. Continue to support the head with one hand and maintain a comfortable, consistent level of pressure as you work up in three stages from the base of the neck to the edge of your partner's hairline (behind their ears).
6. Without losing contact, move on from the neck to knead your partner's right shoulder as in step 3.
7. Next, knead your way along your partner's left side. Use firm pressure and be sure that each movement is slow and thorough. Repeat on their right side, kneading all the way down to the top of the buttocks.
8. Now locate any knots in the muscles either side of your partner's spine. Using your thumbs, slide along these muscles without ever pressing directly on the bone.
9. When you encounter a knot, hold your thumbs down on the spot for 30 seconds, applying a comfortable level of static pressure (be guided by your partner here). You can also apply circular pressure to knots. Place one thumb on top of the other so you can create deeper pressure, or three fingers on top of three fingers if you are covering a larger area. Make rhythmical but slow clockwise circles on the pressure point for at least 30 seconds.
10. Now "reconnect" the whole back by sliding back and forth over your partner's skin using your hands and forearms. Really lift and roll the skin to release any last signs of tension.
11. The massage ends where it began, with effleurage. Repeat step 1 twice, then quickly get into position for your turn.
The hidden messages behind massage
Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr on the intimacy of massage ...
How important is massage in a relationship?
Touch generally is terribly important in every relationship. This is because loving, physical contact between two people leads to the production of oxytocin - the hormone that helps to strengthen the bond between two people, and this then leads to more touching, producing a wonderful positive cycle. Massage formalises touching and caressing and makes it more of a ritual.
What's the link between massage and sex?
Massage and sex shouldn't be intrinsically linked, as that puts enormous pressure on a couple to always feel they have to take enjoyable and sensual touching to full sex. A couple is less likely to enjoy a massage if there is an overriding pressure that it has to lead somewhere. However, when your partner is tenderly massaging you - as long as it's pleasurable to you - it stimulates sensual feelings. Those feelings can either be acted upon, or they can simply be enjoyed.
How would you break it to them if they were doing it wrong?
The best way to encourage a massage that you enjoy is to wait for the moment when a heavy-handed partner (eventually!) does something that begins to feel right. The moment they change their touch to something that feels good, tell them immediately how wonderful it feels. Ask them to repeat it. By building their confidence, you can encourage more of that type of caressing.
· Dr Pam Spurr's latest book, Fabulous Foreplay, is published by JR Books, priced £7.99
Before you begin ...
You may be so thrilled at the prospect of being pampered by your partner that you launch yourself on to the bed with little clue of what you're supposed to be doing. If you're going to treat your partner to a really luxurious massage, you may as well get it right. Here's how:
· Don't agree to massage your partner if you're annoyed with them. A successful massage relies on a climate of love and trust.
· Turn off your phones and make sure you won't be disturbed.
· Take off any jewellery and, if you have long nails, make sure you don't scratch your partner.
· Try not to talk during a massage - take the opportunity to relax your mind as well as your body.
· Cover your partner with a towel and make sure they are kept warm.
· Don't massage on a full stomach and don't drink beforehand.
· Don't straddle your partner or you'll put pressure on their back. Sit next to them on the side of the bed, in a position that enables you to comfortably reach their back.
· Check that the pressure you're applying is OK - too light and the massage won't work, too hard and your partner won't be impressed.
