Latinasize with Lilia Kopylova from Strictly Come Dancing, £17.99
Lilia promises that if you do her exercises you will "lose weight without realising it" so that you can wear "all those dresses with all those stones on them". It's an incentive. What follows, though, is a miserable experience. We begin with the least rigorous warm-up imaginable followed by 10 minutes each of salsa, rumba, cha-cha, samba and jive. It is very dull and my heart rate went up only briefly, doing the jive, which appeared to be the only dance that Lilia enjoyed. Lilia has no connection with the background dancers and there is no banter, just awkwardness. And the camera manages to cut away from her whenever she does a complicated step, so it is tricky to follow. If you love the TV programme, or want to learn basic steps, you might like a look. But if you want to get fit, have a dance down the disco instead.
Katharine Viner
Lady Isabella Hervey: Isabella's Power Workout, £17.99
Having won gold in The Games in 2004, model and socialite Lady Isabella Hervey has some credibility as a fitness guru. But the thigh- and belly-torturing drill she grits her teeth through in this DVD was devised by her trainer, heavyweight bodybuilder Jerry Abadom (what do you mean, you didn't see him in last year's Muscleman Superbody Men's Pump Room Part 2?). She's rangy in build and blandly pleasant as a presenter/guinea pig; he has arms and legs like sacks of walnuts, and whips her efficiently through 40 minutes of circuit-training that had my quads screaming after just a few minutes.
The session starts with a 10-minute warm-up of light stretching and cardio to a horribly chirpy club-lite soundtrack. I enjoyed this; it was like one of those mobility sessions for retired people that take place in village halls, and thus perfect for my fitness level. The main workout is a mix of "high-impact calorie-burning action" mixed with low-impact resistance training. I didn't get the impression that Isabella was exactly an old hand at the routine, but to her credit she didn't crack a sweat and her makeup didn't run; I had to mop the floor afterwards. The squats and lunges were agony. There was one point at about 26 minutes in, as Jerry cheerily announced, "Halfway through", when I was convinced the DVD clock display was running backwards.
The second half was easier. It was essentially a standard Pilates mat class. It was brisk, effective and simple to follow. I'd use it again, but I wouldn't recommend you follow her technique on the stomach crunches - a horribly violent jerk from the neck, rather than a curl - unless you're already planning on seeing an osteopath.
Tim Lusher
Coleen McLoughlin: Brand New Body Workout, £9.99
There's a sticker on the DVD box that says: "Gr8 new wrkout 4 u + ur m8s." This does not bode well. McLoughlin's contribution is absurdly minimal, with centre stage given instead to trainer Elise Lindsay, who brooks no malingerers, delivering a punishing workout. Occasionally, Lindsay will ask McLoughlin a question: "So, what are we stretching here, Coleen?" "Ehhm, the hamstring?"
This will leave you seriously exhausted, in a pleasingly comprehensive way. I especially liked the boxing, though I could have done with a few minutes' instruction in how to do the exercises. And I could definitely have done without the extra feature about the making of the DVD. That's OK, though. The workout itself is Gr8.
Oliver Burkeman
Kym Ryder's Burn & Firm Workout, £19.99
I had my biases. Kym with a Y. Ugh. Past member, Hear'Say. Ugh. Add to these a lifelong bias against gym-style calisthenics, and it's obvious that I am going into this with an attitude problem. But watching Kym Ryder burning and firming, I have to concede that a) she is pretty good at this exercise stuff; b) she comes across as a nice woman; c) she looks in great nick.
The workout lasts roughly an hour and has been devised by Kym's co-presenter, Paul Younane. Also mysteriously present, exercising away largely ignored in the background, is Kym's "friend Katie".
Combining aerobic, resistance and corefitness exercises, the six segments (including Box and burn, Aero dance and, my favourite, Sofa tone) vary the pace. It is rational, un-gimmicky, and well thought-out, but the whole thing bores me stiff.
The production has a cheap look. The living-room setting is both depressing and distracting, and I am still a bit upset that in weights exercises involving household items, the budget did not stretch to include Katie among those equipped with two tins of baked beans.
Leslie Plommer
Davina: My Three 30-Minute Work-outs, £19.99
More self aware than we give her credit for, Davina provides a "music only" option, where you can "shut me up and pump up the tunes". There are three 30-minute sessions, based on the theory that short, intensive bursts provide a more effective workout than your traditional one-hour slog. Within 10 minutes I was knackered.
McCall is put through her paces by her personal trainers Jackie and Mark. I'm not sure whether you are paying to watch McCall sweat or to have the pleasure of sweating alongside her, but her comedy skipping and Arnie impression get irritating pretty quickly.
The routines are simple but intense. You are offered an "easy" version of most exercises, but as McCall always does the hard-core ones and still manages to keep up the chat, you feel like a loser if you don't go for it.
Hannah Pool
Vicky Entwistle: Wow! Weight Off Workout!, £17.99
Vivky Entwistle plays Janice Battersby in Coronation Street and her DVD is the bestselling one on the market. The appeal seems to be that a paparazzi picture of her on a beach shocked her into hiring trainer Richard Callender (who leads the workout on the DVD). She dropped 2½ stone, going from size 16 to size 6 in three months. This claim, however, was mired by reports last week that, in fact, it took her seven months of gruelling four-hour daily gym sessions.
It's not a bad workout, though. There's a 10-minute warm-up, and 20 minutes of fat-burning featuring a lot of boxing moves. I like Entwistle's injunction to think of someone who makes you cross.
Then come 10 minutes of toning - bicep curls, squats, kneeling pushups. The abdominals work could be tougher.
Aida Edemariam
Nell McAndrew's Ultimate Challenge - Ultimate Results, £17.99
"You will certainly see me sweating in this workout," promises Nell to all those putative stalkers she presumably hopes to convert into born-again exercise freaks. I am in my socks and boxer shorts, but only because it is unbearably hot. This is the first problem with exercising at home. The second is that performing jump-and-squats on a creaky floor above folk in the basement flat is a bit cruel. With a permanently surprised half-smile on her face, Nell does indeed "glow", after several punishingly long workouts led by Liam Duffy, the shouty fitness instructor. He bounces me, Nell and 12 other gym bunnies (emitting the kind of positive energy that causes you to avoid gyms and buy DVDs), through the routines. Even the presence of a tubby bloke in the second row behind Nell is no consolation - he's comfortably out-squatting me.
Patrick Barkham
Jennifer Ellison's West End Workout, £17.99
"Hi, I'm Jen." This is Jennifer Ellison, formerly of Brookside, now the star of the West End musical, Chicago, hence the backstage-at-a-theatre setting. She promises to change "your all-over body shape" and entertain you, too. Ellison is cheerful and likeable and urges "the people out there" not to be discouraged if they can't bend like she can. She starts with a boring but necessary warm-up.
Her colleague, Fleur, then takes us through three dance routines, each working a different part of the body. These are fun, but once you have learned them, the DVD becomes obsolete. Jen gallantly claims to need reassurance from Fleur on the steps, even though, she tells us later, she has been dancing since she was three.
Some toning exercises follow to deliver "a nicer leg line". The bum stretches involve a lot of clenching, but it's worth it, says Jen, because "every girl hates her bum". Then there's a "bonus" routine which Jen teaches us herself. The lack of good music is a problem, but Jen enjoys it and the whole thing comes across less cynically than most celebrity fitness products.
At the end, Jen advises against binge drinking, speculating that "there's something like four tablespoons of sugar per glass of wine, so it's gonna really, really, really pile on the weight". It's so inoffensive, you could probably do this workout on a hangover.
Emma Brockes
Jade Goody: Jade's Shape Challenge, £17.99
I was apprehensive about this even before Goody emerged as a vicious bully in Celebrity Big Brother, largely because I had not done any real exercise for years.
Happily, my concerns in this department were completely unfounded. The workout is accessible and she looks good, but not terrifyingly so, just healthy and toned. And she is the same as ever. It is all overblown facial expressions and big smiles to camera, combined with possibly scripted and uncharacteristically knowledgeable tips about technique, which made me cringe throughout. The workouts are simple and easy to follow and Goody set me completely at ease by getting a little out of breath, seeming to feel the burn when I did and getting it wrong occasionally too.
The two sessions are based around cardio "shape circuits" and core or resistance toning. Troy the trainer takes us through various exercises, including sit-ups and kick boxing. Thankfully, there are no choreographed dance routines. The DVD also features a healthy-eating plan and a "behind the scenes" video diary in which we see Goody weighed in, along with a peak at the contents of her fridge.
It was all very human and reassuring - until the CBB furore last week, that is. Never mind any tendencies for xenophobic bullying, it turns out that, in her bid to lose weight, Goody had a little help from a plastic surgeon. She had liposuction! Meanwhile, I have rediscovered some long-forgotten muscles, which can only be a good thing.
Aster Greenhill
Michelle McManus: The Lifeplan Workout (4 DVDs, £17.99)
Former Pop Idol hopeful Michelle McManus says she has lost 10 stones in two years following this nutrition-and-exercise plan. But - how can I put this nicely? - she is still a trifle tubby.
Dax Moy, her mentor, looks like every other personal trainer - sharp features, pert bottom, powerful forearms. God, I hate him.
There are six sets of exercises, including bending, stretching, sit-ups and press-ups. All very simple and sensible, nothing too demanding, but after half an hour I was getting a bit bored with them, and even more bored with the tinkly music. I couldn't imagine subjecting myself to these the recommended twice a day.
The "elimination diet" means cutting out almost everything: alcohol, tea and coffee, sugar, wheat products, dairy other than live yoghurt, processed foods. I tried a detox diet like this once and was so light-headed by the first afternoon that I fell over in the street. It is - as, in fairness, Dax accepts - hellishly difficult. Maybe if you didn't have a job and could devote your entire life to the plan, you could do it.
Stephen Moss
Jayne Middlemiss: Love Yoga, £17.99
I go straight to the relaxation section and am soothed by images of breaking waves and the voiceover: "Give yourself a few minutes to experience yourself without any concerns."
I don't really know who Miss Middlemiss is (turns out she's a TV presenter who won Celebrity Love Island), but her heartfelt introduction about how yoga has improved her posture, body strength and rage ratio is unexpectedly touching and motivating. She also unwisely includes a video diary in which she becomes a squeaky herbert. Thankfully, the voiceover during actual routines is done by yogi Ryan Spielman.
The first part is for beginners; the second for superhumans like Ryan and Jayne who have bodies flexible enough to do moves that more than once make me exclaim: "You're kidding!"
I perform several sun salutations while breathing through my nose, thinking I'll soon be kicking back with chips and cake. But an hour on, I'm struggling through exultant warrior poses. After completing level one, I feel the same kind of wholesome aches and tiredness I used to experience after the gym.
This DVD could be the means to slow down the sagathon that's going to get all of us eventually. I'll keep with it and perhaps, before spring, move on to level two.
Stuart Jeffries
The Jordan Workout, £17.99
Jordan began her lessons with her private trainer, Richard, in the noble pursuit "to be back in my G-string and back on the beach as Mrs Andre", an ambition to which surely most women can relate.
Although the exercises won't surprise anyone who's been to an aerobics class, they're not devoid of use and are certainly better than the laughably impractical diet section at the end. Show me a woman with the willpower, time and funds to live on organic vegetable juice and I'll show you, well, a celebrity.
But perhaps the biggest surprise is Jordan herself. Considering that her fame rests on her being the Page 3 girl with alleged smarts and a personality, she comes across here as unnatural as the protrusions on her chest, barely able to talk without a glance at the autocue and a rictus smile of fear.
Special commendation to the wardrobe mistress: Jordan's exercise outfits, ranging from a mini cheerleader skirt (excellent in which to do splits while facing the camera) with boxing boots emblazoned with her name to pink satin knickers over cropped leggings, deserve their own DVD.
Hadley Freeman
