I'm no stranger to seeking out the most frugal entertainment - I am one of six, so, when I was a kid, entertainment had to be cheap and pack a punch! My mother could turn a trash bag into a slip'n'slide, and - when she wasn't looking - I, my siblings and the neighbourhood kids tried to make swimming pools out of mud holes.
What I learned along the way was that, with thirty quid and a smidge of vision, you can entertain with the best of them. Here are four of my favourite ideas for good, cheap fun this summer.
Psychic party: Take your cues from Stevie Nicks and dress up your front room to look and feel like your own little fortune-teller's harem - all it takes are scarves over the lamps, a dozen tea lights and some incense.
Tarot readings are a must. Some people take these quite seriously and some are quite sceptical - either way, if everyone gets involved, it can be a lot of fun. (You can pick up a tarot deck pretty cheaply and they usually come with a book explaining all the different divine interpretations.) To complete the mood, lay on some hors d'oeuvres and some nice cool beverages and - to give the proceedings just the right silliness quotient - some New Age music. And, voila!
Cocktail party: This is a great option for the faux-sophisticate - meaning anyone who can pull off a little black dress, or slacks and a skinny tie, and juggle that with some drink-mixing genius. You can get easy cocktail recipes off the internet and ask each of your guests to bring a bottle of spirits. You'll soon be fooling everyone into thinking you are a master mixologist. By the end of the night, everyone will be tipsy - you know you had a good cocktail party when no one remembers it. For music, may I suggest Peggy Lee and Ella Fitzgerald? Also, make dressing up mandatory - fake fancy at its finest!
Spa-liday: If you mention in your invitation that you're having a spa afternoon that includes crisps, popsicles and Cyndi Lauper singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, all the gay boys and femmes in your neighbourhood will RSVP within 10 minutes. It's so cheap and easy to paint your fingernails, have a facial and a nice foot soak. (Epsom salts must be good - a million grannies just can't be wrong!)
Be sure to inform everyone it's BYONV - bring your own nail varnish - and they'll also need a towel and a bowl to soak their feet in. That way, the colour choices will be endless and the clean up easy, as your guests will have taken home all their own mess!
Clothing swap: This takes very little planning and is especially cool for fat people because it can be so hard to find clothes in the shops that come in the right size. Get everyone to bring their unwanted clothes in a bin bag and then divide by article, making a big pile of each different item - shirts, frocks, etc. Then rifle away! Whatever is left at the end, you can all take to your nearest charity shop together. By the end you'll have bagged some brilliant new stuff, made space in your closet and given to charity. What more could you possibly ask for?
· Beth would love to answer your one-line questions or dilemmas in her fortnightly column. Please email them to beth.ditto@theguardian.com
